Connections

One of the spirit sticks that hangs in my foyer bears the quote, “Be with those who help your being.” The words are from a poem (see “thought for the day”). I love the phrase. It reminds me of the rich relationships that create texture, warmth and beauty in my life. They are the relationships that nurture my soul, comfort my heart and sing in a chorus of support and belief, “You can do anything you want.”

I so treasure these amazing connections. They feel timeless, yet steeped in history. When we revel in the memories of days past, they feel old and comfortable like a wonderfully broken-in pair of running shoes. And when we explore new chapters together and grow forward in our friendship, they feel fresh and exciting like the opening night of a new show.

When I step onto some new and challenging path, they are with me -- those who “help my being.” I invite them in when I am strong and when I am my most vulnerable. They are a snooze alarm when I’d rather sleep in; a second wind on the longest training run; a balm for sore muscles and a soft shoulder for hurt feelings. They are wise and accomplished and inspiring and encouraging.

Tomorrow morning I’ll get on a plane to visit one of my oldest and dearest pals, my West Point roommate. It’s a connection that has lasted over thirty years, and I treasure it as much today as I did when we panicked together over getting caught out of uniform on a football Saturday (took our hats off before entering the gate of Michie Stadium), collapsed in laughter over our own silly costumes for “after-taps” rallies and fretted our first assignments as commissioned officers – our first time to be separated after four years at the academy.

Chip (to my Dale) is one of the “six-chix,” who are my closest friends, confidants and advisors. She “helps my being,” and I help hers. Who helps your being? Whose being do you help? How are you connecting today and tomorrow?

Snowman Training Notes: Back to the gym for strength training. Started with 3,100 vertical feet on the versa-climber (30 minutes); then on to full body strength training (leg-centric as usual). Total training time: 1:05.

Thought for the day:

Be with those who help your being.
Don’t sit with indifferent people, whose breath
comes cold out of their mouths.
Not these visible forms, your work is deeper.

A chunk of dirt thrown in the air breaks to pieces.
If you don’t try to fly,
and so break yourself apart,
you will be broken open by death,
when it’s too late for all you could become.

Leaves get yellow. The tree puts out fresh roots
and makes them green.
Why are you so content with a love that turns you yellow?

~Rumi

Things My Sister Taught Me #1 -- Getting Rid of Gnats

My sister is a wise woman. I think perhaps she always has been. As a kid I think she was one of those “old souls,” who could gain insights through noticing things that the rest of us lost in youthful self-absorption. Whatever the case, I have learned some pretty profound things from her observations of life. Many people with whom I have worked know the gnat story, which I always attribute to my sis. For those of you who haven’t heard it, it is much more than a story. It is a practice for refusing the folly of our self-created, ego-centric preoccupations so we can stay true to our paths.

Here’s how it goes . . .

I grew up in steamy, buggy, hot-as-Hades (as my mom would exclaim) southern Florida. Insects of every type –- vicious mosquitoes, creepy cockroaches (that life-long Floridians solicitously call “Palmettos Bugs”) and annoying gnats -- were simply a part of the landscape. I can recall days when, at the end of a game of sandlot baseball, gnats swarmed thick around our sweaty heads and sticky necks. The gnats would rarely light and didn’t bite. But their very presence easily could drive us to the point of distraction.

Sitting one summer eve with our knobby little backs pressed against the brick wall that led to our front door, my sister observed to me that she could make the gnats disappear. I gave her a sideways glance. This magic fascinated me! How, I questioned, could she do that? Close your eyes, she urged. Expecting a miracle, I followed my older sister’s instruction. And immediately, the gnats were gone!

My sister had figured out that some little things simply weren’t worth the aggravation with which we chose to empower them. At different times in my life, I have summoned my sister’s magic in this regard, closing my eyes to the gnats of my own invention. These “gnats” are the bothers that neither light nor bite, but swirl out there just beyond my influence. If you are anything like me, you keep a jar of them ready to open at any time. They are the “what ifs,” the “can’t helps” and the “he or she thinks” that we conjure in our heads. Though quite small and insignificant, when we allow them to distract and aggravate they can derail us from our goals.

Or we can work a little magic, deny them space and let them go.

Snowman Training Notes: Un-programmed break in the training plan today. I shifted to a kettle bell workout today. Experimenting with my pal’s TRX this weekend reminded me of the importance of core – and more core. Mixing it up was good for my body and my head.

Thought for the day: "The possession of anything begins in the mind." ~ Bruce Lee

Change Your Thoughts and Change Your Mind

Last night spouse and I checked the Snowman Trek Training Calendar and confirmed that this morning presented the longest training day of the intensity period. We agreed upon our 16-mile hike. We would start early for the quadrupled-hill session in order to finish before noon.

Unfortunately, by the time the morning rolled around I was experiencing a matrimonial dip – not exactly alien to a thirty-year marriage. As a result, I was not happy to walk the trail with my training and trekking (so-called) buddy.

Then I pulled to mind a truth I often discuss with clients. That is, that we can only experience one thought at a time. While most people have about 60,000 thoughts a day, which pushes the notion that that we are juggling many thoughts at once, we really can manage only one thought at a time. With this awareness, I decided to replace my negative thoughts (either of the past: what he did to aggravate me; or of the future: how that aggravation would manifest itself) with present thoughts (just not of the man next to me in this case).

I grabbed my headphones on the way out of the door, and tuned in to some up-tempo music on the first hill. (Ever tried staying mad through a smile?) For anyone who’s been reading my blog, you know that music is important to me – good for me. Like some weird magic, once the music encouraged a smile, I started to notice things: fat pollywogs along the edge of the lake, a fawn pausing on the edge of the woods, frogs diving for a muddy ditch, changing colors in the berries. When I took off my headphones from a place of full presence, I heard spouse talking. I mean I really heard him without any filters of ire or judgment. He made sense. He was actually quite likeable and charming. I had managed to change my mind by changing my thoughts.

The rest of the day? Peaceful and productive.

When your inner voice starts to tug you off track, try changing your thoughts. Replace what is causing turmoil and draining energy with something that makes you smile – then come back to the present and breathe.

Snowman Training Notes: After we got back from a mountain lake weekend with friends yesterday, we added a 1:45 climb endurance workout (6.5 mile) to my early morning swim. Then today we were back out early for a 16-mile, hill-centric hike of 4:15. Tonight we are a little tired, recharging for tomorrow. Adding lots more stretching to pre and post workout time now.

Thought for the day: “Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.” ~ Willie Nelson

On the Lake Again

We're off again with pals -- different friends, different lake -- another idyllic summer weekend. As we settle to rest in the afternoon, I hear a tiny voice from deep within. It says, "Thank you for this gentle peace."

Snowman Training Notes: This is our off day for the week. I stretched out with a quick lake swim this morning -- nothing too serious. Yesterday's workout was 45 minutes aerobic split between the Octane Pro 3700 and the Summit Trainer, then wrapped up with my trekking strength training routine. Total training time 1:15.

Thought for the day: The quieter you become, the more you can hear. ~ Baba Ram Dass

SHOULD: The 800-lb Guerilla

I hear it often, “I really should (delegate more, eat less, go to bed earlier, finish that report . . . ).” I’m sure you can fill in the blank with any number of “shoulds” that are written on your to-do list right now. And you know what, that “should” almost certainly won’t move you to action. It will however, likely come happily into your emotional space and sit squarely on your head -- squashing out light, constricting your breathing and just generally leaving you with a huge (and immobilizing) headache.

The very sound of “should” inevitably creates a guerilla (little war) in your mind that is sown from duty and obligation and too often results in feelings of moral failure and guilt.

A “should” statement, as we most commonly (and carelessly) use it, is one of ten cognitive distortions from the cognitive therapy field of psychology. Existing separate from rational problem solving, the 800-lb heft of the automatic “should” is created by obligations we believe family, friends, society (others) have placed on us.

This “should” thing is heavy, uncomfortable and discouraging from the first squeak. Giving voice to a “should” statement is a little like putting on one of those ridiculous sumo wrestler fat-suits you see on game shows, instead of a bathing suit, to swim a mile. Why would you weigh yourself down like that? Well the truth is, you wouldn’t! It’s a ridiculous choice. And therein is the power – CHOICE!

When you feel that “should” get ready to pass your pearly whites and bubble-gum lips (thanks, John Mayer), wage your own counter-attack to its guerilla tactics! Immediately replace “should” with “choose to”, and let the declaration go forth with the power to create context and generate action toward your goal. Wow, what a difference a word (spoken or thought) can make.

Snowman Training: Two days here since I didn’t blog yesterday. Wednesday: logged 4,000 vertical feet on the versa climber (42 minutes) and completed my trekking strength training routine. Total time: 1:15. Thursday, back to lactate threshold intervals: run/row mix. Total time: 1:00.

Thought for the Day: "Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream." ~ Lao Tzu

There's No Place Like Home

It’s the little things that keep me grounded. The smell of fresh laundry, the feel of a dog’s wet nose, the sound of a robin in the morning, the smile that plays in the eyes of my husband from across the dinner table. They are instances and experiences that bring me back to myself – centered and happy. No matter how fast I’m moving forward – I remember to never leave home.
 

Snowman Training Notes: Sprint intervals today (lactate threshold). Working full intensity intervals for short distances with longer rests. I headed back to the pool and used a triathlon training drill – swimming 25M sprints with 50M drill recoveries (alternating kick board and pull buoy). Since my climbing emphasis has been on legs, this change up really taxed my arms. It was great, though, to be back in the pool. Total training time: 45 minutes.

Thought for the day: "I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself." ~Maya Angelou

PIT -- QIF

When I was training for my Ironman distance triathlon in 2009, I was reading everything I could find about endurance sports. I also I was reading about athletes who had pushed the limit and achieved beyond what they or the world previously thought possible. While I certainly didn’t count myself among those super heroes, I was inspired by their stories and fascinated by the things that motivated and drove them to succeed. Not surprisingly, one of the books I read during that time was Lance Armstrong’s, It’s Not About the Bike, My Journey Back to Life. If there was anybody who was out there muscling through adversity and dissuading naysayer’s (even his own inner voice), it was Lance coming back to biking in the wake of cancer.

Because of Lance, every time I take my triathlon bike in to be tuned, someone asks me what the letters “PIT" and "QIF” written on my aerobars mean. Those letters are a reminder and a mantra. They remind me that I can’t go back in mile 16 of a marathon and get in that week of training I cheated on in June. They remind me that I can’t steal away at the seventh water point on a bike route and squeeze in that century I meant to ride in July but closed out at 68 miles because I was tired, or hot or uncomfortable in the saddle. And they remind me that it will be more difficult to look at the finish line in longing knowing that I could have, when I chose not to. You see, PIT/ QIF stands for Pain is temporary. Quitting is forever. It’s a paraphrase of an Armstrong quote (see the thought for the day).

I understand PIT/QIF. It learned it in spades along the roads and trails of the Hudson Valley in the late 1970s.

As a young cadet at West Point, I hadn’t developed the mental toughness to push beyond much pain. As a result, I became an expert at experiencing the pain of quitting. Breathlessness, cramping leg muscles and that panicky feeling of falling behind never were going to last beyond the end of any cadet run. Still, my adolescent head gave out before my healthy young body ever really did. And I can declare without question that quitting was the greater hurt. It stuck with me for years.

At some point we all stand at a place of uncertainty or difficult challenge in working toward tough goals. It’s normal and it’s human. It is the land of excuses and stories and seeking justification for all of the reasons we think we just can’t – when we can. It also is the place where we can find that spirit within us to keep pushing and really "dig deep." It is mental toughness. It is experience, honesty and awareness. And it is learnable and accessible to us all.

Snowman Training Notes: Four hours of aerobic exercise. My torture of choice: 90 minutes of running, 30 minutes of stair climbing and two hours of cycling. Yep, I basically worked out a marathon today in training. Nothing for a super athlete, but I’m not that. I am a fifty-something chick who knows PIT/QIF -- just another training day in the bag. It will be there when I need to dig deep at altitude.

Thought for the day: "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. That surrender, even the smallest act of giving up, stays with me. So when I feel like quitting, I ask myself, which would I rather live with?" ~Lance Armstrong