The Amazing Vitamin Z

Ever wonder what makes the difference between clock-watching and losing track of time?  Wish you could get more of the energizing boost that comes from the latter?  What if I could share with you some tips on how to do just that?  And what if I told that getting there would be, at least in part, a balancing act?

O.K., let’s try this on.  Call forth a memory of an activity or an engagement during which you lost track of time.  You know, one of those instances where, at the conclusion of which you may have looked at the clock and wondered, “Where on earth did the time go?” You may have thought of yourself as operating “in the zone.”  I’ll call it getting your Vitamin Z.

The activity really can be anything.  For me, my memories of timelessness are quite diverse, from time spent re-surfacing a wall to a dinner with my mentor and from a 2.5 mile swim to writing a well note (yep, these Wednesday columns really can mean timeless bliss for me). 

Now, got your Vitamin Z memory front and center for observation?   When you’re ready ask yourself:

•   Did I have a real passion for the activity?

•   Did I have a clearly defined goal for the activity?  A goal releases us from worry about “where is this taking me?” and liberates us to enjoy the present moment.

•   Was I getting immediate feedback?  In times of timelessness (I love that), it’s likely your internal critic was off and you were sensing your activity with unobstructed enthusiasm (something like, “I can do this!”).

If you’ve identified three conditions, it’s likely that you are on your way to the identifying a flow experience (when you were “in the zone”).  The architect of flow theory, psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (Me-hy Chick-sent-me-hy-ee), said he named this experience flow “because so many people used the flow analogy of being carried away by an outside force, of moving effortlessly with a current of energy.”

And at the heart of Csikszentmihalyi’s state of flow is the fourth condition: the balance between challenge and skills.  As with your awareness around the three previously listed conditions of passion, goal and feedback, you can set yourself up for a flow experience by being deliberate in establishing your challenge vs. skills balance.  Here’s the trick:

To intentionally achieve flow  – and you might do this for the psychological boost and improved productivity flow produces – schedule into your day an activity where your skills (abilities) are fully engaged in a challenge that is just manageable – neither too easy nor too hard.

If your chosen activity (challenge) is too easy given your skills, the result will be boredom.  If the challenge far exceeds your skills, the result will be anxiety and frustration.  Note: For leaders, this is a good framework in which to consider assigning and monitoring projects assigned to your team members.  Important because people generally will produce their best work – and be happier in their work environment -- when this balance is struck.   It’s the often reason people perform well “under pressure” and can be observed “rising to the occasion” with a certain joie de vivre.

Here’s a simple illustration of one way I can be assured of getting my Vitamin Z through a physical activity:

In the last couple of years, I have fallen head over heels for a piece of exercise equipment at my gym called the versa-climber.  It’s one of those fitness contraptions that looks like a torture device and is ALWAYS available – because most people find it too challenging for their fitness level (creating anxiety).  Here’s how the versa-climber contributes to my flow:  Exercise is a passion for me – made even more transcendent by the addition of a great play list on my iPod Touch.  I first set my versa-climber workout goal by establishing the number of feet I want to "climb" within a certain time period.  Next I set the machine’s resistance, pace and step height at levels that challenge my fitness ability and are still manageable (high challenge to high skill match up).   Finally, as I exercise, I get immediate feedback from progress monitors and my own feeling of increased strength and endurance.

Not terribly sophisticated, very do-able – an almost magical “balancing act.”  That’s my Vitamin Z – what’s yours?

Flow.  Zone.  Balance.  It does a mind and body good.

Are You a "RIghty" or a "Lefty"?

In a long-held overgeneralization of the split brain theory of psychophysiology, our “handedness” somewhat indicates our “brained-ness.”  That is, a right-handed person is left-brain dominant, with a proclivity toward spatial abilities, facial recognition, visual imagery and music; while a left-handed person would be right-brain dominant -- tapping more easily into the parts of the brain most responsible for language, math and logic.   

While over time that split-brain notion (first put forth in the late 1800s) has not been wholly supported, there is some evidence that handedness may in fact contribute to some lateral dominance in brain function (as do eye dominance, foot dominance and hearing dominance).  And what any dominance suggests is a movement away from center – and away from balance. 

Alice Flaherty, author of the Midnight Disease: The Drive to Write, Writer’s Block and the Creative Brain, argues that creativity is due to a balance of frontal and temporal lobe activity.  In other words the trick is not, in fact, to get out of your "left brain" and into your right, but to increase activity in the right hemisphere (or reduce activity in the left) so that it matches the activity on the other side – i.e., balance!

So, in a salute to the righties and lefties of the world (and in deep admiration of all of you ambidextrous souls) today’s well note offers two simple tips to help balance your beautiful, brilliant, bodacious brains!

• Since you’re already thinking about it, let’s start with handedness.  If you are right-handed – and an estimated 80% of humans are – change!  Yep, right now (don’t panic, it’s temporary).  For the next hour (and it will undoubtedly feel like longer) do with your left hand what you normally would do with your right (write, eat, brush your teeth, etc.).  And if you are left-handed, well, you’ll be letting that southpaw rest while you give the right hand a workout.  

By doing something as simple as switching hands, you may just feel your brain “light up” with neural activity that can fuel creative thought and the development of new ideas and novel solutions to challenging problems.  Now there’s a tool you can access next time you’re feeling “stuck”!

Want another easy practice you can try right now?  

• This next idea for balancing the brain is taken from the world of yoga: alternate nostril breathing.  I had the occasion to give this practice a try last week as part of a mind-body practice in a post-graduate program on positive psychology; and was struck by how it opened creativity, awareness and calm. 
• First, close the right nostril with your right thumb and inhale through the left nostril.  Do this to the count of four seconds.
• Then, close the left nostril with your right ring finger and little finger.  At the same time, remove your thumb from the right nostril, and exhale through this nostril.  Do this to the count of eight seconds.  This completes a half round.
• Now inhale through the right nostril to the count of four seconds.  Then close the right nostril with your right thumb and exhale through the left nostril to the count of eight seconds. This completes one full round.
• Continue for 8 more rounds.
• The idea behind the alternate nostril breathing practice is that your nose is directly linked to your brain and nervous system.  Breathing in through your left nostril will access the right “feeling” hemisphere of your brain, and breathing in through your right nostril, will access the left “thinking” hemisphere of your brain.  Consciously alternating your breath between either nostril will allow you to activate and access your whole brain.

Simply put, the balance of the brain, like the pleasing aesthetic of balanced design in architecture or the sweet harmony of a balanced tune, enhances the balance in our lives. 

Brain balance, it does a mind and body good.

What's in YOUR Wallet?

Have you ever found yourself in this “out of balance” predicament:  You’re out of your routine (and maybe your environment).  You experience a misstep, skip a workout or enjoy an indulgent meal that is not a part of your healthy eating plan.  Within no time you begin to worry.  Next you discover yourself in a goo of guilt and self-loathing because, in your mind, you have failed to operate flawlessly.  Really?  Flawlessly?  

Did you forget the mantra we’ve been practicing for the past two weeks? 

So what’s really happening here?

I’m guessing that somewhere along the way you may have assumed that you must surrender choice to circumstance and from that assumption (really a choice itself upon closer examination), watched helplessly as your out-of-balance self (clamoring to regain equilibrium) activated your default position of worry and then dove mindlessly into that virtual soup of blame and guilt. 

And I’m suggesting to you today that there’s a way to break this vicious cycle that is the enemy of balance.  If you are game, get ready to strap on your powerful weapon of choice the next time you step into the wilderness that exists just beyond your familiar backyard of routine.

Here’s an example of how it works for me.  Lately I’ve been traveling . . . A LOT.  In fact, I’ve been home 26 of the last 80 days.  And when I leave home I have a “pack three” rule for balance.   Here are three things I choose never leave home without:

 1.     The intent to adapt happily.

I know that when my environment and schedule change I will have to do things differently and I state my intent (and make a plan) to adapt.  A prime example for me is fitness.  Personal fitness is an important part of my daily routine.   When traveling, I investigate gyms and running trails as much as possible before I leave home.  I set out with a fitness plan and set my intent to enjoy the experience of what is different about my workouts.  I make it a point to be cheerful along the way.  Not only do I know that smile is a huge energy booster, I also can pretty much guarantee that each time I give a smile away, I’ll get one back (now that’s a balanced equation).

 2.     The awareness to let go of worry.

I know that worry, for me, generates no positive energy.  In fact, I view worry as a soul-sucking hitchhiker that I choose to leave along the highway.  It’s not that I don’t experience worry.  I do.  However, I have developed an “awareness muscle” that I flex to shrug it off.  I know that worry does not carry action forward for me and so I CHOOSE not to stay in worry.  It’s amazing how packing this element actually lightens my load.

 3.     Grace.

Experience informs me that despite my best laid plans and an ability to adapt without worry, that I still can go to that place of “beating oneself up” over two days of missed workouts combined with business dinners where I’ve enjoyed more food and drink than is normal for me.  And that’s when I dip my hand into the jar marked “grace,” and generously spread it on.  Note that the jar is not marked “excuse”, “permission to surrender to circumstance” or “pity.”  It is “grace”. Grace is my cue to accept, forgive, pause and consider my next steps of choice.  After all, each moment bears the promise of a new beginning delivered by the choices I make.

So, when I look at “what’s in my wallet,” there is not a Capital One Credit Card – and in fact recently, given all of my travel and switched wallets, there wasn’t even the photo ID required to get on an airplane!  And awkward as that misstep was, the three things I had remembered to pack got me through security and home again.  True story . . . ask me about it.

By packing my trusty three essentials, I choose to create my own balance.  How are you creating yours?

Balance Through Strengths, Teaching and Trust

“The major work of the world is not done by geniuses. It is done by ordinary people, with balance in their lives, who have learned to work in an extraordinary manner.” 
― Gordon B. Hinckley

So, a week ago you matched your values to your activities and made some choices about where to spend enough time to get some things done well. 

Now let’s try a quick check in.  How many times in the last week, month or quarter have you heard yourself emote with exasperation, “It’s easier to just do it myself!”

If it’s even once, it’s likely that “work-life balance thing” continues to be a struggle for you.  And in this case, it’s not only the balance between work and everything else – it’s probably the balance within work and everything else. 

To recap: you got the mantra down last week, right? 

I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  Each day is a collection of 24 hours.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to DO IT ALL in 24 hours (or, for that matter, to do anything perfectly).

So, stop trying to DO IT ALL already!  No way is it “easier to just do it myself.“  Instead try this on -- Do what you do well.  Understand what others do well.  Let go enough to trust that others can do some things, which you understand that you could do easily, quite well (not perfectly – refer to mantra, above)

Below find three tips around sharing the load (at work, home, church, club, home owners association, wherever) to help you balance all that you must do:

1.     Know your strengths and the strengths of those around you.  It is understandable that most of us naturally gravitate to those who feel most like ourselves.  That “likeness” feels comfortable and familiar.  However, this homogeneous team building approach tends to concentrate similar strengths and accentuate capability gaps.  While in the past, many leader development models focused on identifying one’s weaknesses and then developing strategies for improvement, a strengths-based model focuses on building on one’s strengths and simultaneously increasing competency through the creation of diversely complementary teams.  I really like Tom Rath and Barry Conchie’s “Strengths Based Leadership: Great Leaders, Teams and Why People Follow,” (2008), for an explanation of this approach and why it works.  In addition, when you purchase the book, you get a code on the inside jacket that allows access to an online strengths assessment that will help you hone in on your own strengths.

2.     Take the time to teach.  If you feel like you don’t have enough time to teach someone else how to do a task and utter that energy-sucking phrase, “I’ll do it myself,” at least say it with the bold self-awareness that you are establishing a vicious cycle that guarantees your ownership of that task.  That’s right, if ever there was a case for my constant refrain that words are both creative and generative, this may be it.  You will create the action and generate the energy that can add this task (no matter how menial) to your rucksack for time infinitum.  And unless you have a super-power rucksack that packs the magic to live up to the label: “Fill ‘er up, I can do it all . . . “  (Back to the mantra, please)

3.     Finally, be prepared to accept good enough when sharing the load.  If you start with the understanding that none of us can do anything perfectly (you included) this part may go just a little more easily.  Tap into the tips above to first understand what people are good at, then teach new skills (in a way that fits the learner’s strengths) and then confidently pass the task on without any suggestion of expecting a perfect outcome (good, yes; even terrific – just not perfect).  Accept that learning takes place among imperfect beings in an imperfect world.  One of my favorite phrases, “We can learn to fail, or fail to learn,” is from Tal Ben-Shahar’s book, “Being Happy: You Don’t Have to be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life” (2011).  Want your team to learn more and be better?  By demonstrating the trust to share “your” work – important work – you take a big step toward empowering people to face failure without fear.

Still think “it” will be easier to “Do it myself?”  Then I encourage you to think again.  If you aspire to achieve greater balance, be willing to share the load.  It won’t be effortless and it won’t be perfect.  And it might be more fun, open the road to some fine travelling companions, save you time and energy in the future and offer many opportunities to learn (and do “it” even better than before).

Balance: The Myth of "DOING IT ALL"

Got a busy day on tap?  Wondering how you are going to get it all done?  Feeling out of balance before the day even starts in earnest because of all those things you know aren’t going to get done?

If you answered a resounding, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" to the questions above, I’m recommending you take time right now (yep, on top of EVERYTHING ELSE) to read the following and complete the exercise. 

Before you start, I’m going to ask you to suspend that notion you’ve been clinging to that says you can do it all – and (just maybe you think) do it all perfectly.  Ready?

*******************

To begin, repeat after me, “I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  Each day is a collection of 24 hours.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to DO IT ALL in 24 hours (or, for that matter, to do anything perfectly)."

I can see your lips moving as you gently shake your head side-to-side.  Really?   Just can’t give up this story?  What if I said you have an even greater super power that you can tap into if you’re willing to give up your old story of all-doing perfection?

The power that you DO possess, which all of us possess, is the power of choice.  You can choose (1) what is most important to you (2) how much time to devote to what is most important to you and (3) what is “enough” time given the importance assigned and the time available for what is important to you.   Is your head spinning yet?  You’re not alone.

Often when, in the course of a coaching conversation, we get to the power of choice as regards priorities and standards, a coachee will argue that the boss (spouse, child, dog (seriously)) has the power to dictate priorities and standards.  Really? Could you make the CHOICE to work fewer hours (for example)?  Sure you could.  It may mean having an honest talk with you boss.  It may mean renegotiating your contract.  It ultimately may mean changing jobs.  And, it's a choice.  

EXERCISE:

• Make a list, right now, of the activities that you give time to on an average day.  Out of the 24 hours a day you have available to you, honestly assess how much time you give to each activity (don’t forget to include time spent sleeping).  Note the language of this exercise.  It’s not how much time something “takes” it’s how much time you are choosing to “give.”  Got it?  If so, set that list aside so that you cannot see it.

• Now make a second list on a new piece of paper.  This is to be a prioritized list (in descending numerical order) of the things that are most important to you.  These are things that you value (family, health, a beautiful home, a challenge, honest communication . . .).  Don’t be surprised if it is easier to make this list than to assign priorities.  Do it anyway – and take comfort in the fact that our priorities change.

• Now lay your two lists side-by-side in front of you.

• Looking at your lists, consider how much time you are giving to activities that address your values -- and to those that don’t address your values at all.  If you already give most of your time to those things that you most value, you probably are feeling pretty “in balance.”  If, on the other hand, you find your lists virtually inverted, it’s time to consider what’s enough in terms of time given.

• Without giving in to those internal voices that say what anyone (or anything) else expects, rewrite your day to give enough time to what is really important to you.  That is, rewrite list number one using list number two as a guide.  Some things may go away completely (surprised to find you spent two hours “surfing the web” last night?).  Some things likely don’t have to happen every day.  Some things may be done in less time (think creatively).

• Finally, muster all of your courage and live your rewritten day.

You aren’t giving anything up here.  You’re living into the reality: “I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to do it all, or (for that matter) to do anything perfectly.”  

And remember, you DO have a super power. You have the power of choice to honor that which you value.  

Let me know how it goes!

“Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” 

  ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Balance Practice, Two Ways

A Shut and Open Case 

Practice I: Eyes closed.  Last week I wrote about what an energy hog lack of balance can be – and I noted that becoming more relaxed contributes to an increased sense of balance.  Want to test the notion? Experiment using the Real Age© test at the end of today's well note.  The first time through, perform it exactly as written (stop and do this before reading further).  Now try it again – and this time add the following step between steps two and three: “Inhale deeply and while exhaling (slowly) consciously relax your muscles (shoulders, abs, calves . . .),” then proceed with the test.  Your balance time is probably a bit longer with the added relaxation step (and your RealAge is bit lower). 

Now PRACTICE:  Commit to practicing (the test) twice a day for the next two weeks (including the conscious relaxation step).  Hint: If you don’t have or don’t care to work with a partner in your balance trial, set a household timer (I use the microwave in our kitchen).  Just make sure you open your eyes and reset your timer as soon as you begin to lose balance if you don’t use a partner.

And you thought it was impossible to grow younger . . . 

Practice II : Eyes open: Now open your eyes. Yep, most of your everyday balance effort is done in real world situations with eyes wide open.  To use your eyes to calm your balance, adopt the dancer’s (skater’s, yogi’s, gymnast’s) trick of “spotting.”  To do this, pick a fixed spot in front of you and train your eyes on it (spotting).  Now, while holding your spot with your eyes, move your balance practice into increasingly challenging positions.  For example, this time when you lift one foot, lean forward at the waist and extend your lifted foot behind you while holding your open-eyed spot.  

How do you use this in real life?  Quite simply, in physical balance (as in work/life balance) we generally stabilize movement in the direction in which we focus.  Keep your focus where you want to go to practice the dynamic balance that you’ll use in activities like riding a bike, skating or trekking on a rugged trail.

Returning to my slack line example of balance from last week, take a look at the guide on the slack line in the adjacent photo.  Notice the orientation of his head.  He is focused straight ahead – along the axis of the slack line to where it is secured to the tree.  Looking toward the photographer may have made for a great photo for mom – but a short-lived traverse.  The slack liner is using spotting to enhance balance.   And you can too!

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The RealAge© Balance Test

1. Find a partner and a watch. Enlist the help of a friend or family member who has a watch with a second hand and five minutes to spare.

2. Take off your shoes. Stand barefoot on a flat, hard surface. Ask your partner to hold the watch and stand close by to catch you in case you start to fall.

3. Close your eyes.

4. Lift your foot. Lift one foot (left foot if you’re right-handed, right foot if you’re left-handed) about 6 inches off the floor, bending your knee at a 45-degree angle.

Ask your partner to start timing.

5. Hold this position. Keep still as long as you can without jiggling or teetering, falling, or opening your eyes.

6. Stop the clock. Stop timing if the raised foot begins to lower or touch the ground, if you begin to sway, or if you open your eyes.

7. Repeat the test three times. Note the time for each test, and calculate the average of the three times by adding them together and dividing by 3.

8. Check your average against this results chart.

What's your balance-based RealAge?
Balance Time	Balance-Based RealAge
4 seconds	70 years
5 seconds	65 years
7 seconds	60 years
8 seconds	55 years
9 seconds	50 years
12 seconds	45 years
16 seconds	40 years
22 seconds	30-35 years
28 seconds	25-30 years