Balance Through Strengths, Teaching and Trust

“The major work of the world is not done by geniuses. It is done by ordinary people, with balance in their lives, who have learned to work in an extraordinary manner.” 
― Gordon B. Hinckley

So, a week ago you matched your values to your activities and made some choices about where to spend enough time to get some things done well. 

Now let’s try a quick check in.  How many times in the last week, month or quarter have you heard yourself emote with exasperation, “It’s easier to just do it myself!”

If it’s even once, it’s likely that “work-life balance thing” continues to be a struggle for you.  And in this case, it’s not only the balance between work and everything else – it’s probably the balance within work and everything else. 

To recap: you got the mantra down last week, right? 

I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  Each day is a collection of 24 hours.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to DO IT ALL in 24 hours (or, for that matter, to do anything perfectly).

So, stop trying to DO IT ALL already!  No way is it “easier to just do it myself.“  Instead try this on -- Do what you do well.  Understand what others do well.  Let go enough to trust that others can do some things, which you understand that you could do easily, quite well (not perfectly – refer to mantra, above)

Below find three tips around sharing the load (at work, home, church, club, home owners association, wherever) to help you balance all that you must do:

1.     Know your strengths and the strengths of those around you.  It is understandable that most of us naturally gravitate to those who feel most like ourselves.  That “likeness” feels comfortable and familiar.  However, this homogeneous team building approach tends to concentrate similar strengths and accentuate capability gaps.  While in the past, many leader development models focused on identifying one’s weaknesses and then developing strategies for improvement, a strengths-based model focuses on building on one’s strengths and simultaneously increasing competency through the creation of diversely complementary teams.  I really like Tom Rath and Barry Conchie’s “Strengths Based Leadership: Great Leaders, Teams and Why People Follow,” (2008), for an explanation of this approach and why it works.  In addition, when you purchase the book, you get a code on the inside jacket that allows access to an online strengths assessment that will help you hone in on your own strengths.

2.     Take the time to teach.  If you feel like you don’t have enough time to teach someone else how to do a task and utter that energy-sucking phrase, “I’ll do it myself,” at least say it with the bold self-awareness that you are establishing a vicious cycle that guarantees your ownership of that task.  That’s right, if ever there was a case for my constant refrain that words are both creative and generative, this may be it.  You will create the action and generate the energy that can add this task (no matter how menial) to your rucksack for time infinitum.  And unless you have a super-power rucksack that packs the magic to live up to the label: “Fill ‘er up, I can do it all . . . “  (Back to the mantra, please)

3.     Finally, be prepared to accept good enough when sharing the load.  If you start with the understanding that none of us can do anything perfectly (you included) this part may go just a little more easily.  Tap into the tips above to first understand what people are good at, then teach new skills (in a way that fits the learner’s strengths) and then confidently pass the task on without any suggestion of expecting a perfect outcome (good, yes; even terrific – just not perfect).  Accept that learning takes place among imperfect beings in an imperfect world.  One of my favorite phrases, “We can learn to fail, or fail to learn,” is from Tal Ben-Shahar’s book, “Being Happy: You Don’t Have to be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life” (2011).  Want your team to learn more and be better?  By demonstrating the trust to share “your” work – important work – you take a big step toward empowering people to face failure without fear.

Still think “it” will be easier to “Do it myself?”  Then I encourage you to think again.  If you aspire to achieve greater balance, be willing to share the load.  It won’t be effortless and it won’t be perfect.  And it might be more fun, open the road to some fine travelling companions, save you time and energy in the future and offer many opportunities to learn (and do “it” even better than before).