Balance: The Myth of "DOING IT ALL"

Got a busy day on tap?  Wondering how you are going to get it all done?  Feeling out of balance before the day even starts in earnest because of all those things you know aren’t going to get done?

If you answered a resounding, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" to the questions above, I’m recommending you take time right now (yep, on top of EVERYTHING ELSE) to read the following and complete the exercise. 

Before you start, I’m going to ask you to suspend that notion you’ve been clinging to that says you can do it all – and (just maybe you think) do it all perfectly.  Ready?

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To begin, repeat after me, “I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  Each day is a collection of 24 hours.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to DO IT ALL in 24 hours (or, for that matter, to do anything perfectly)."

I can see your lips moving as you gently shake your head side-to-side.  Really?   Just can’t give up this story?  What if I said you have an even greater super power that you can tap into if you’re willing to give up your old story of all-doing perfection?

The power that you DO possess, which all of us possess, is the power of choice.  You can choose (1) what is most important to you (2) how much time to devote to what is most important to you and (3) what is “enough” time given the importance assigned and the time available for what is important to you.   Is your head spinning yet?  You’re not alone.

Often when, in the course of a coaching conversation, we get to the power of choice as regards priorities and standards, a coachee will argue that the boss (spouse, child, dog (seriously)) has the power to dictate priorities and standards.  Really? Could you make the CHOICE to work fewer hours (for example)?  Sure you could.  It may mean having an honest talk with you boss.  It may mean renegotiating your contract.  It ultimately may mean changing jobs.  And, it's a choice.  

EXERCISE:

• Make a list, right now, of the activities that you give time to on an average day.  Out of the 24 hours a day you have available to you, honestly assess how much time you give to each activity (don’t forget to include time spent sleeping).  Note the language of this exercise.  It’s not how much time something “takes” it’s how much time you are choosing to “give.”  Got it?  If so, set that list aside so that you cannot see it.

• Now make a second list on a new piece of paper.  This is to be a prioritized list (in descending numerical order) of the things that are most important to you.  These are things that you value (family, health, a beautiful home, a challenge, honest communication . . .).  Don’t be surprised if it is easier to make this list than to assign priorities.  Do it anyway – and take comfort in the fact that our priorities change.

• Now lay your two lists side-by-side in front of you.

• Looking at your lists, consider how much time you are giving to activities that address your values -- and to those that don’t address your values at all.  If you already give most of your time to those things that you most value, you probably are feeling pretty “in balance.”  If, on the other hand, you find your lists virtually inverted, it’s time to consider what’s enough in terms of time given.

• Without giving in to those internal voices that say what anyone (or anything) else expects, rewrite your day to give enough time to what is really important to you.  That is, rewrite list number one using list number two as a guide.  Some things may go away completely (surprised to find you spent two hours “surfing the web” last night?).  Some things likely don’t have to happen every day.  Some things may be done in less time (think creatively).

• Finally, muster all of your courage and live your rewritten day.

You aren’t giving anything up here.  You’re living into the reality: “I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to do it all, or (for that matter) to do anything perfectly.”  

And remember, you DO have a super power. You have the power of choice to honor that which you value.  

Let me know how it goes!

“Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” 

  ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.