What's in YOUR Wallet?

Have you ever found yourself in this “out of balance” predicament:  You’re out of your routine (and maybe your environment).  You experience a misstep, skip a workout or enjoy an indulgent meal that is not a part of your healthy eating plan.  Within no time you begin to worry.  Next you discover yourself in a goo of guilt and self-loathing because, in your mind, you have failed to operate flawlessly.  Really?  Flawlessly?  

Did you forget the mantra we’ve been practicing for the past two weeks? 

So what’s really happening here?

I’m guessing that somewhere along the way you may have assumed that you must surrender choice to circumstance and from that assumption (really a choice itself upon closer examination), watched helplessly as your out-of-balance self (clamoring to regain equilibrium) activated your default position of worry and then dove mindlessly into that virtual soup of blame and guilt. 

And I’m suggesting to you today that there’s a way to break this vicious cycle that is the enemy of balance.  If you are game, get ready to strap on your powerful weapon of choice the next time you step into the wilderness that exists just beyond your familiar backyard of routine.

Here’s an example of how it works for me.  Lately I’ve been traveling . . . A LOT.  In fact, I’ve been home 26 of the last 80 days.  And when I leave home I have a “pack three” rule for balance.   Here are three things I choose never leave home without:

 1.     The intent to adapt happily.

I know that when my environment and schedule change I will have to do things differently and I state my intent (and make a plan) to adapt.  A prime example for me is fitness.  Personal fitness is an important part of my daily routine.   When traveling, I investigate gyms and running trails as much as possible before I leave home.  I set out with a fitness plan and set my intent to enjoy the experience of what is different about my workouts.  I make it a point to be cheerful along the way.  Not only do I know that smile is a huge energy booster, I also can pretty much guarantee that each time I give a smile away, I’ll get one back (now that’s a balanced equation).

 2.     The awareness to let go of worry.

I know that worry, for me, generates no positive energy.  In fact, I view worry as a soul-sucking hitchhiker that I choose to leave along the highway.  It’s not that I don’t experience worry.  I do.  However, I have developed an “awareness muscle” that I flex to shrug it off.  I know that worry does not carry action forward for me and so I CHOOSE not to stay in worry.  It’s amazing how packing this element actually lightens my load.

 3.     Grace.

Experience informs me that despite my best laid plans and an ability to adapt without worry, that I still can go to that place of “beating oneself up” over two days of missed workouts combined with business dinners where I’ve enjoyed more food and drink than is normal for me.  And that’s when I dip my hand into the jar marked “grace,” and generously spread it on.  Note that the jar is not marked “excuse”, “permission to surrender to circumstance” or “pity.”  It is “grace”. Grace is my cue to accept, forgive, pause and consider my next steps of choice.  After all, each moment bears the promise of a new beginning delivered by the choices I make.

So, when I look at “what’s in my wallet,” there is not a Capital One Credit Card – and in fact recently, given all of my travel and switched wallets, there wasn’t even the photo ID required to get on an airplane!  And awkward as that misstep was, the three things I had remembered to pack got me through security and home again.  True story . . . ask me about it.

By packing my trusty three essentials, I choose to create my own balance.  How are you creating yours?

Balance Through Strengths, Teaching and Trust

“The major work of the world is not done by geniuses. It is done by ordinary people, with balance in their lives, who have learned to work in an extraordinary manner.” 
― Gordon B. Hinckley

So, a week ago you matched your values to your activities and made some choices about where to spend enough time to get some things done well. 

Now let’s try a quick check in.  How many times in the last week, month or quarter have you heard yourself emote with exasperation, “It’s easier to just do it myself!”

If it’s even once, it’s likely that “work-life balance thing” continues to be a struggle for you.  And in this case, it’s not only the balance between work and everything else – it’s probably the balance within work and everything else. 

To recap: you got the mantra down last week, right? 

I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  Each day is a collection of 24 hours.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to DO IT ALL in 24 hours (or, for that matter, to do anything perfectly).

So, stop trying to DO IT ALL already!  No way is it “easier to just do it myself.“  Instead try this on -- Do what you do well.  Understand what others do well.  Let go enough to trust that others can do some things, which you understand that you could do easily, quite well (not perfectly – refer to mantra, above)

Below find three tips around sharing the load (at work, home, church, club, home owners association, wherever) to help you balance all that you must do:

1.     Know your strengths and the strengths of those around you.  It is understandable that most of us naturally gravitate to those who feel most like ourselves.  That “likeness” feels comfortable and familiar.  However, this homogeneous team building approach tends to concentrate similar strengths and accentuate capability gaps.  While in the past, many leader development models focused on identifying one’s weaknesses and then developing strategies for improvement, a strengths-based model focuses on building on one’s strengths and simultaneously increasing competency through the creation of diversely complementary teams.  I really like Tom Rath and Barry Conchie’s “Strengths Based Leadership: Great Leaders, Teams and Why People Follow,” (2008), for an explanation of this approach and why it works.  In addition, when you purchase the book, you get a code on the inside jacket that allows access to an online strengths assessment that will help you hone in on your own strengths.

2.     Take the time to teach.  If you feel like you don’t have enough time to teach someone else how to do a task and utter that energy-sucking phrase, “I’ll do it myself,” at least say it with the bold self-awareness that you are establishing a vicious cycle that guarantees your ownership of that task.  That’s right, if ever there was a case for my constant refrain that words are both creative and generative, this may be it.  You will create the action and generate the energy that can add this task (no matter how menial) to your rucksack for time infinitum.  And unless you have a super-power rucksack that packs the magic to live up to the label: “Fill ‘er up, I can do it all . . . “  (Back to the mantra, please)

3.     Finally, be prepared to accept good enough when sharing the load.  If you start with the understanding that none of us can do anything perfectly (you included) this part may go just a little more easily.  Tap into the tips above to first understand what people are good at, then teach new skills (in a way that fits the learner’s strengths) and then confidently pass the task on without any suggestion of expecting a perfect outcome (good, yes; even terrific – just not perfect).  Accept that learning takes place among imperfect beings in an imperfect world.  One of my favorite phrases, “We can learn to fail, or fail to learn,” is from Tal Ben-Shahar’s book, “Being Happy: You Don’t Have to be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life” (2011).  Want your team to learn more and be better?  By demonstrating the trust to share “your” work – important work – you take a big step toward empowering people to face failure without fear.

Still think “it” will be easier to “Do it myself?”  Then I encourage you to think again.  If you aspire to achieve greater balance, be willing to share the load.  It won’t be effortless and it won’t be perfect.  And it might be more fun, open the road to some fine travelling companions, save you time and energy in the future and offer many opportunities to learn (and do “it” even better than before).

Balance: The Myth of "DOING IT ALL"

Got a busy day on tap?  Wondering how you are going to get it all done?  Feeling out of balance before the day even starts in earnest because of all those things you know aren’t going to get done?

If you answered a resounding, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" to the questions above, I’m recommending you take time right now (yep, on top of EVERYTHING ELSE) to read the following and complete the exercise. 

Before you start, I’m going to ask you to suspend that notion you’ve been clinging to that says you can do it all – and (just maybe you think) do it all perfectly.  Ready?

*******************

To begin, repeat after me, “I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  Each day is a collection of 24 hours.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to DO IT ALL in 24 hours (or, for that matter, to do anything perfectly)."

I can see your lips moving as you gently shake your head side-to-side.  Really?   Just can’t give up this story?  What if I said you have an even greater super power that you can tap into if you’re willing to give up your old story of all-doing perfection?

The power that you DO possess, which all of us possess, is the power of choice.  You can choose (1) what is most important to you (2) how much time to devote to what is most important to you and (3) what is “enough” time given the importance assigned and the time available for what is important to you.   Is your head spinning yet?  You’re not alone.

Often when, in the course of a coaching conversation, we get to the power of choice as regards priorities and standards, a coachee will argue that the boss (spouse, child, dog (seriously)) has the power to dictate priorities and standards.  Really? Could you make the CHOICE to work fewer hours (for example)?  Sure you could.  It may mean having an honest talk with you boss.  It may mean renegotiating your contract.  It ultimately may mean changing jobs.  And, it's a choice.  

EXERCISE:

• Make a list, right now, of the activities that you give time to on an average day.  Out of the 24 hours a day you have available to you, honestly assess how much time you give to each activity (don’t forget to include time spent sleeping).  Note the language of this exercise.  It’s not how much time something “takes” it’s how much time you are choosing to “give.”  Got it?  If so, set that list aside so that you cannot see it.

• Now make a second list on a new piece of paper.  This is to be a prioritized list (in descending numerical order) of the things that are most important to you.  These are things that you value (family, health, a beautiful home, a challenge, honest communication . . .).  Don’t be surprised if it is easier to make this list than to assign priorities.  Do it anyway – and take comfort in the fact that our priorities change.

• Now lay your two lists side-by-side in front of you.

• Looking at your lists, consider how much time you are giving to activities that address your values -- and to those that don’t address your values at all.  If you already give most of your time to those things that you most value, you probably are feeling pretty “in balance.”  If, on the other hand, you find your lists virtually inverted, it’s time to consider what’s enough in terms of time given.

• Without giving in to those internal voices that say what anyone (or anything) else expects, rewrite your day to give enough time to what is really important to you.  That is, rewrite list number one using list number two as a guide.  Some things may go away completely (surprised to find you spent two hours “surfing the web” last night?).  Some things likely don’t have to happen every day.  Some things may be done in less time (think creatively).

• Finally, muster all of your courage and live your rewritten day.

You aren’t giving anything up here.  You’re living into the reality: “I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to do it all, or (for that matter) to do anything perfectly.”  

And remember, you DO have a super power. You have the power of choice to honor that which you value.  

Let me know how it goes!

“Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” 

  ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Balance Practice, Two Ways

A Shut and Open Case 

Practice I: Eyes closed.  Last week I wrote about what an energy hog lack of balance can be – and I noted that becoming more relaxed contributes to an increased sense of balance.  Want to test the notion? Experiment using the Real Age© test at the end of today's well note.  The first time through, perform it exactly as written (stop and do this before reading further).  Now try it again – and this time add the following step between steps two and three: “Inhale deeply and while exhaling (slowly) consciously relax your muscles (shoulders, abs, calves . . .),” then proceed with the test.  Your balance time is probably a bit longer with the added relaxation step (and your RealAge is bit lower). 

Now PRACTICE:  Commit to practicing (the test) twice a day for the next two weeks (including the conscious relaxation step).  Hint: If you don’t have or don’t care to work with a partner in your balance trial, set a household timer (I use the microwave in our kitchen).  Just make sure you open your eyes and reset your timer as soon as you begin to lose balance if you don’t use a partner.

And you thought it was impossible to grow younger . . . 

Practice II : Eyes open: Now open your eyes. Yep, most of your everyday balance effort is done in real world situations with eyes wide open.  To use your eyes to calm your balance, adopt the dancer’s (skater’s, yogi’s, gymnast’s) trick of “spotting.”  To do this, pick a fixed spot in front of you and train your eyes on it (spotting).  Now, while holding your spot with your eyes, move your balance practice into increasingly challenging positions.  For example, this time when you lift one foot, lean forward at the waist and extend your lifted foot behind you while holding your open-eyed spot.  

How do you use this in real life?  Quite simply, in physical balance (as in work/life balance) we generally stabilize movement in the direction in which we focus.  Keep your focus where you want to go to practice the dynamic balance that you’ll use in activities like riding a bike, skating or trekking on a rugged trail.

Returning to my slack line example of balance from last week, take a look at the guide on the slack line in the adjacent photo.  Notice the orientation of his head.  He is focused straight ahead – along the axis of the slack line to where it is secured to the tree.  Looking toward the photographer may have made for a great photo for mom – but a short-lived traverse.  The slack liner is using spotting to enhance balance.   And you can too!

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The RealAge© Balance Test

1. Find a partner and a watch. Enlist the help of a friend or family member who has a watch with a second hand and five minutes to spare.

2. Take off your shoes. Stand barefoot on a flat, hard surface. Ask your partner to hold the watch and stand close by to catch you in case you start to fall.

3. Close your eyes.

4. Lift your foot. Lift one foot (left foot if you’re right-handed, right foot if you’re left-handed) about 6 inches off the floor, bending your knee at a 45-degree angle.

Ask your partner to start timing.

5. Hold this position. Keep still as long as you can without jiggling or teetering, falling, or opening your eyes.

6. Stop the clock. Stop timing if the raised foot begins to lower or touch the ground, if you begin to sway, or if you open your eyes.

7. Repeat the test three times. Note the time for each test, and calculate the average of the three times by adding them together and dividing by 3.

8. Check your average against this results chart.

What's your balance-based RealAge?
Balance Time	Balance-Based RealAge
4 seconds	70 years
5 seconds	65 years
7 seconds	60 years
8 seconds	55 years
9 seconds	50 years
12 seconds	45 years
16 seconds	40 years
22 seconds	30-35 years
28 seconds	25-30 years

Balance -- How Are Your Slackline Skills?

For the next year I'll be focusing my blog on the subject of balance.  Balance, that is, of all kinds: 

•            Physical balance
•            Emotional balance
•            Intellectual balance
•            Spiritual balance
•            Environmental balance
•            Situational balance
•            Energy balance
•            Nutritional balance
•            Aesthetic balance
•            Work/Life balance

I invite you to check in often to consider the current balance topic.  This week (and next) I'm talking about physical balance.

So, what’s slacklining?  Well, according to Slackline.com, slacklining “is the sport of walking a small, flat nylon rope between two points”  (a tightrope walker of sorts).

Over the past two weeks I gained some up-close respect for slacklining as I watched (in awe) the balance feats of our Patagonian guides practicing their slacklining skills at campsites along our trek of the Paine Circuit in Southern Chile.

Slacklining has been making its way into fitness programs with increasing frequency in recent years for good reason.  Slack-line walking is good for balance development.  And physical balance is good for fitness and wellness. 

Balance improves coordination, athletic skill and posture – and those improvements translate into fewer falls, greater speed and accuracy, and more energy in movement.

Let's take a look:

1.  Falls.  According to the U.S Centers for Disease Control (CDC), “Each year, one in every three adults ages 65 or older falls and 2 million are treated in emergency departments for fall-related injuries.”  A fall rate of one in three is frighteningly high.  But even if you are younger than 65, it’s significant to know that each year about 4 in 1,000 individuals from the overall population experiences a nonfatal fall (to include contusions, fractures, concussions and traumatic brain injury), for which a health-care professional is contacted.  Dr. Tiffany Shubert of UNC’s Institute on Aging has spearheaded some of the most comprehensive studies ever completed regarding balance training and falls.  A practicing physical therapist and educator of medical students, Dr. Shubert repeatedly has found that participation in balance programs reduces falls by having a positive impact on cognition and physical outcomes. 

2.  Speed and accuracy in movement.  Think of the “as the crow flies” concept of covering a known distance when you think of how balance enables active people, exercisers and athletes to improve speed and accuracy.  Truly, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line – and balanced propulsion supports linear movement.  From stumbles and falls to simply veering off course, poor balance introduces many deviations that ultimately hinder speed.  If you want to be a faster runner, walker, swimmer or cycler, true your course with balance.

3.  Posture and energy.  Have you ever noticed how, when working to “keep your balance,” you tense your muscles?  That tensing takes a lot of energy – energy that otherwise could go toward your ability to go further, exercise longer and experience faster recovery (you’ll experience less muscle soreness when you have better balance).  The true essence of balance is relaxation – and that relaxation comes through learning and practice.  Come with me once again to the slack line in Patagonia . . .

Our guides used the slack line for fun.  It was a game of sorts in which these fit young men displayed great finesse and competed to “out trick” one another (through a breathtaking series of jumps and turns and poses on the line).  When one of our fellow trekkers decided to try the slack line, his tension of the novice first became apparent in his furled brow, then worked its way down to his hunched shoulders and finally was most evident in his shaking knees.  To be honest, this was most likely the same posture that our slack-line proficient Chilean guides had assumed in their earliest attempts on the line – before learning and practice delivered the relaxation that became the foundation for their increasingly challenging acts of balance!

So maybe your goal isn’t to master the slack line.  Still, if you want to be safer, turn in a new “personal best” for your spring 10K, or just feel better after that next workout – balance can help.

Next week, I’ll talk about some simple things you can do to improve your physical balance. 

'Til then, remember -- Balance, it does a body good.

Time to Get Your Buck Smith On for the New Year

It’s the day after Christmas and a funny, completely un-holiday related question keeps tugging at my mind.  Today I’m wondering, how is your Buck Smith working for you?  It’s a curious question that almost certainly has caused you to ask in return, "Who is Buck Smith and why would I have a Buck Smith anyway?"

Well, Buck Smith is, at least in the personal history of my 85-year-old father, a fierce competitor (and often victor) of schoolyard footraces run in the 1930's South Georgia of his childhood.  On a grander scale, Buck Smith is, for all of us, a belief in ourselves, a willingness to “do the hard work” of preparing to meet a challenge and the realization that we can prevail!  And for that reason, your personal "Buck" is worth knowing

My father, with whom my sister and I have spent seemingly endless hours in hospital rooms over the past five weeks, recounted (in a feverish and sedated state shortly after Thanksgiving) the story of how he finally bested Buck Smith.  It was a story that reminded me of the cycle of believing, becoming, and benefiting.  It’s a cycle we all can choose to step into.   Today, I’m inviting you to become acquainted  (or reacquainted) with your Buck Smith.  What follows is how I suggest you prepare for your meeting – illustrated (in italics) by my dad’s story:

Believing:  In your life, you have approached something difficult – something that, upon initial consideration, caused you to doubt your capacity or ability to accomplish it.  Recall that instance.  Now remember what is was that helped you to develop a belief that you could prevail.  It may have been some positive self-talk.  You may have drawn strength from the faith or encouragement of others.  You may have read stories about individuals who approached the same task and triumphed.  However you worked it out, you likely started with an idea that “I can do this!”  My dad had challenged and lost many a footrace to Buck Smith before he got in his head that he could win.  This thought that he could win was different from thedesire to win.  No doubt at each start line, dad always wanted to win.  And he was always close – so close that he drew a crowd of believers who began to lay bets on his ability to beat Buck Smith.  A prophecy was growing and generating the energy of belief – dad not only wanted to beat Buck Smith, he was starting to believe that he could.

Becoming:  Now go back to your own past challenge.  When the ground swell of belief began to grow, you probably found that you could channel some of that energy into action.  And so a plan of practice and commitment began to foment.  Your head and heart “had your back,” so to speak – and so you were ready to put in the hard work.  What energy of becoming did you put into your plan?  As the wagers grew and my dad could see himself the winner, he put more time and effort into becoming that winner.  He developed drills and exercises to improve his start, his speed and his finish.  He practiced by running everywhere he went.  He raced shoeless around his small town on every errand and to each destination.  He was becoming that which he believed he could be.

Benefitting:  Are you firmly in touch with your own memory of accomplishment at this point?  Even if you haven’t thought about this success in a long time, the achievement is likely the sweetest part of your memory.  Any notion of doubt or specter of hard work probably fades in the richness of accomplishment.  The hard-earned “A,” the long-coveted title, the thrill of the finish or the exaltation of the summit – they are the immediate reward, which in turn produce the lasting benefit of self-efficacy.  Success creates power. That power propels us to the next challenge with greater confidence.  We identify increased willingness to step into the slightly impossible (because without ever stepping into the apparently impossible, how will we ever come to know the possible?).  So my (shoeless) dad lined up toe to shoe on a heel-scraped line etched in red clay on a late summer afternoon in the waning days of the Great Depression.  A small pack of grimy, pinched-faced, penny-ante schoolboy gamblers lined a straightaway for the 100-yard dash.  With the shout of a classmate, the race was on.  Dad, got the start he had practiced and sped down the lane with his familiar desire (now laced with belief) that he could beat Buck Smith.  With each powerful stride, he knew this was his race.  His betting pals cheered him on with the knowledge that a few coins would jingle in their pockets on the way home that night.  And as he knew he could, and as he trained for, my dad beat Buck Smith that day. 

I think this story came back to my dad late this November in an ICU room of blinking, beeping and chirping monitors to remind him that in this current challenge too, he could prevail.  He found strength in the belief that he could regain health and strength and walk out of the hospital.  He set his mind to practicing all prescribed exercises to strengthen his lungs, true his balance and fortify his muscles to walk again.  He began to talk about places he wanted to visit and foods he wanted to try.  He drew strength from having beat Buck Smith (and all of the subsequent “Buck Smith’s” in his life) and benefitted from the human power of can.  And so, after five weeks, although in a wheelchair and bound for rehab, my dad left the hospital the week before Christmas.

And reconnecting with you all now, I am encouraged to share the story of Buck Smith as a gift for the new year.   No matter how challenging that next race appears, conjure up your Buck Smith.  Consider how you have triumphed in the past.  Recall how you came to believe in yourself.  Reach back to what steps you took to prepare to prevail.  Rejoice in how that accomplishment pushed you to try the next thing.  Link arms with your Buck Smith and start now to set your goals for 2013! Sign up for a race. Plan a journey that you will come to call your “trip of a lifetime.”  Make that change at work or at home that is beckoning just beyond your comfort zone.  By next Wednesday, you’ll be swept over the hump and into the new year . . . and you won’t be alone if you choose to take old Buck with you.