Balance Through Strengths, Teaching and Trust

“The major work of the world is not done by geniuses. It is done by ordinary people, with balance in their lives, who have learned to work in an extraordinary manner.” 
― Gordon B. Hinckley

So, a week ago you matched your values to your activities and made some choices about where to spend enough time to get some things done well. 

Now let’s try a quick check in.  How many times in the last week, month or quarter have you heard yourself emote with exasperation, “It’s easier to just do it myself!”

If it’s even once, it’s likely that “work-life balance thing” continues to be a struggle for you.  And in this case, it’s not only the balance between work and everything else – it’s probably the balance within work and everything else. 

To recap: you got the mantra down last week, right? 

I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  Each day is a collection of 24 hours.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to DO IT ALL in 24 hours (or, for that matter, to do anything perfectly).

So, stop trying to DO IT ALL already!  No way is it “easier to just do it myself.“  Instead try this on -- Do what you do well.  Understand what others do well.  Let go enough to trust that others can do some things, which you understand that you could do easily, quite well (not perfectly – refer to mantra, above)

Below find three tips around sharing the load (at work, home, church, club, home owners association, wherever) to help you balance all that you must do:

1.     Know your strengths and the strengths of those around you.  It is understandable that most of us naturally gravitate to those who feel most like ourselves.  That “likeness” feels comfortable and familiar.  However, this homogeneous team building approach tends to concentrate similar strengths and accentuate capability gaps.  While in the past, many leader development models focused on identifying one’s weaknesses and then developing strategies for improvement, a strengths-based model focuses on building on one’s strengths and simultaneously increasing competency through the creation of diversely complementary teams.  I really like Tom Rath and Barry Conchie’s “Strengths Based Leadership: Great Leaders, Teams and Why People Follow,” (2008), for an explanation of this approach and why it works.  In addition, when you purchase the book, you get a code on the inside jacket that allows access to an online strengths assessment that will help you hone in on your own strengths.

2.     Take the time to teach.  If you feel like you don’t have enough time to teach someone else how to do a task and utter that energy-sucking phrase, “I’ll do it myself,” at least say it with the bold self-awareness that you are establishing a vicious cycle that guarantees your ownership of that task.  That’s right, if ever there was a case for my constant refrain that words are both creative and generative, this may be it.  You will create the action and generate the energy that can add this task (no matter how menial) to your rucksack for time infinitum.  And unless you have a super-power rucksack that packs the magic to live up to the label: “Fill ‘er up, I can do it all . . . “  (Back to the mantra, please)

3.     Finally, be prepared to accept good enough when sharing the load.  If you start with the understanding that none of us can do anything perfectly (you included) this part may go just a little more easily.  Tap into the tips above to first understand what people are good at, then teach new skills (in a way that fits the learner’s strengths) and then confidently pass the task on without any suggestion of expecting a perfect outcome (good, yes; even terrific – just not perfect).  Accept that learning takes place among imperfect beings in an imperfect world.  One of my favorite phrases, “We can learn to fail, or fail to learn,” is from Tal Ben-Shahar’s book, “Being Happy: You Don’t Have to be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life” (2011).  Want your team to learn more and be better?  By demonstrating the trust to share “your” work – important work – you take a big step toward empowering people to face failure without fear.

Still think “it” will be easier to “Do it myself?”  Then I encourage you to think again.  If you aspire to achieve greater balance, be willing to share the load.  It won’t be effortless and it won’t be perfect.  And it might be more fun, open the road to some fine travelling companions, save you time and energy in the future and offer many opportunities to learn (and do “it” even better than before).

Balance: The Myth of "DOING IT ALL"

Got a busy day on tap?  Wondering how you are going to get it all done?  Feeling out of balance before the day even starts in earnest because of all those things you know aren’t going to get done?

If you answered a resounding, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" to the questions above, I’m recommending you take time right now (yep, on top of EVERYTHING ELSE) to read the following and complete the exercise. 

Before you start, I’m going to ask you to suspend that notion you’ve been clinging to that says you can do it all – and (just maybe you think) do it all perfectly.  Ready?

*******************

To begin, repeat after me, “I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  Each day is a collection of 24 hours.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to DO IT ALL in 24 hours (or, for that matter, to do anything perfectly)."

I can see your lips moving as you gently shake your head side-to-side.  Really?   Just can’t give up this story?  What if I said you have an even greater super power that you can tap into if you’re willing to give up your old story of all-doing perfection?

The power that you DO possess, which all of us possess, is the power of choice.  You can choose (1) what is most important to you (2) how much time to devote to what is most important to you and (3) what is “enough” time given the importance assigned and the time available for what is important to you.   Is your head spinning yet?  You’re not alone.

Often when, in the course of a coaching conversation, we get to the power of choice as regards priorities and standards, a coachee will argue that the boss (spouse, child, dog (seriously)) has the power to dictate priorities and standards.  Really? Could you make the CHOICE to work fewer hours (for example)?  Sure you could.  It may mean having an honest talk with you boss.  It may mean renegotiating your contract.  It ultimately may mean changing jobs.  And, it's a choice.  

EXERCISE:

• Make a list, right now, of the activities that you give time to on an average day.  Out of the 24 hours a day you have available to you, honestly assess how much time you give to each activity (don’t forget to include time spent sleeping).  Note the language of this exercise.  It’s not how much time something “takes” it’s how much time you are choosing to “give.”  Got it?  If so, set that list aside so that you cannot see it.

• Now make a second list on a new piece of paper.  This is to be a prioritized list (in descending numerical order) of the things that are most important to you.  These are things that you value (family, health, a beautiful home, a challenge, honest communication . . .).  Don’t be surprised if it is easier to make this list than to assign priorities.  Do it anyway – and take comfort in the fact that our priorities change.

• Now lay your two lists side-by-side in front of you.

• Looking at your lists, consider how much time you are giving to activities that address your values -- and to those that don’t address your values at all.  If you already give most of your time to those things that you most value, you probably are feeling pretty “in balance.”  If, on the other hand, you find your lists virtually inverted, it’s time to consider what’s enough in terms of time given.

• Without giving in to those internal voices that say what anyone (or anything) else expects, rewrite your day to give enough time to what is really important to you.  That is, rewrite list number one using list number two as a guide.  Some things may go away completely (surprised to find you spent two hours “surfing the web” last night?).  Some things likely don’t have to happen every day.  Some things may be done in less time (think creatively).

• Finally, muster all of your courage and live your rewritten day.

You aren’t giving anything up here.  You’re living into the reality: “I know I CANNOT do it all.  No one can DO IT ALL.  I recognize that I am a wonderfully IMPERFECT being.  I exist in a world of wonderfully imperfect beings.  None of us possesses any super powers that enable us to do it all, or (for that matter) to do anything perfectly.”  

And remember, you DO have a super power. You have the power of choice to honor that which you value.  

Let me know how it goes!

“Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” 

  ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.