Lotus Musings

Have you ever seen a lotus growing in a pool?  It is one of the most beautiful of water plants.  Although it may appear to float, in reality the lovely lotus flower is rooted in the mud below the surface of the water.  Not the picture you may perceive – yet the truth is: no mud, no lotus.

I recently heard this phrase, “no mud, no lotus,” not at a horticulture seminar, rather last week at a conference on Mindfulness and Psychotherapy sponsored by Harvard Medical School in Boston.  The speaker, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, used the phrase as a metaphor for accepting the suffering (unpleasantness) that most certainly is part of the beautiful experience of being fully present in our lives.  It is a balance.  To know happiness, one must know sadness.  To experience the taste of sweet, one's tongue must know the taste of sour.  Although I had read his words in the past and cerebrally understood, last week I got it like never before.

Sitting in the audience (of 1,200) in Boston, my mind traveled back less than a week to the ten days I’d just spent trekking in the Alps (bringing the past into the present).  It had been a relatively difficult trek.  Not at high altitude (although high enough to get snowed on).  Still, each day included at least one pass with quite significant elevation and descent.  The routine pretty much was: three- to four-thousand feet up (often over a scree and boulder-filled trail), to an amazing pass with breathtaking views and an exaltation of “I did this,” followed by a jaw-clenching, knee-jarring descent (over the scree and boulder-filled trail on the other side the summit). 

People often ask me what it is about trekking that is so alluring.  My "getting it" in Boston last week gave me the words to explain.

It is the struggle of the uphill, the wonder and joy of the summit, and the treachery of the downhill.  My appreciation for the summit is at least in part grown in the “mud” of the up and down.  I appreciate knowing that I can have these amazing experiences in many places because I choose to trek – and because I choose to be fully present in the trek.

I do not try to avoid the suffering by stopping, turning back or seeking an easier path.  I accept that the rocks and scree deepen the beauty of the summit. 

It is a way of trekking.  It is a way of being.

There are no trains, planes or automobiles that deliver me.  Yet I am here.

What are your ups and downs today?  Dwell not in one or the other.  Experience each fully.  Appreciate the balance.  And think:

No climbs, no summits.

No mud, no lotus.

Koyaanisqatsi and A Tire Rotation

O.K. so you’re feeling a little “off” today.  No big deal – you’ll just “push through” and ignore that nagging imbalance, eh?  What difference can it make anyway? 

It might be more than you think.  Consider the following:

Yesterday my husband took my car in for a check up.  When he came back he reported all was good, except wheel balance, in which case the technicians recommended rotating the tires.  I was pleased with the report – and glad to know that now my wheels are balanced.  And I thought, how come I didn’t notice that and why does it matter anyway? 

So, I did what any reasonable person would do, I “Googled” wheel balance.  According to E-How (the same source I went to when I wanted to learn to play the djembe drum and dance the running man), my wheels might be out-of-balance when I notice a slight vibration in my ride, reduced fuel efficiency, or an uneven wear pattern on my tires.  Failure to address this imbalance, apparently can eventually strain the wheel bearings and suspension system – leading to larger problems – certainly more costly to fix than the $40 to rotate the tires. 

That notion caused me to think about the human body in motion – and how we adapt to biomechanical imbalance.  For example, when we have a weakness of the Sartorius muscle in our leg, we may notice a change in our gait (disharmony), decreased performance measured in speed or strength (reduced efficiency) or an uneven wear pattern in our shoes.  And if not addressed, what happens?  Well, the human body is smart – really smart, and so our muscles, joints and nerves find new (dysfunctional) paths to generate movement – causing changes all along the kinematic chain to compensate for the muscular imbalance, which eventually strains the entire system (to include joints and bones – think bearings and suspension).  When we end up at the doctor’s office months later his medical sleuthing will likely involve some big bills to identify the cause, which may then require surgery and rehab to restore balance.

And this line of thinking naturally took me to the notion of work-life balance . . . an area in which 39% of workers worldwide are reporting imbalance (according to Global Management Firm, The Hay Group).  And how do people recognize this issue?  They may report being filled with a sense of having too much to do in too little time.  They may be feeling less productive (and less positive about their productivity) than in the past.  They may complain of fatigue, disrupted sleep patterns, or a condition known as burnout.  Disharmony, reduced efficiency, and dysfunctional patterns -- I’m sensing some repetition here.

So what is there to learn from the parallels of out of balance tires, bodies and workers? 

That there are signs that precede (forewarn) damage.

That a little thoughtful diagnosis can help to determine the cause.

That some changes are required to resume balance. 

Sounds simple, right?  Why is it then that we often resort to the same old patterns when looking for a different outcome?  You likely have heard the oft-repeated adage, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.”  While variously assigned to such sages as Anthony Robbins, Henry Ford and Mark Twain, I find the wisdom of the words enduring – though perhaps a tad shortsighted.  In terms of tires, knees and living our lives, it may be, “If you do what you’ve always done, you get . . . worse.”  After all, the bearings and suspension of our vehicles can only take so much shimmy.  The bones, joints, tendons and ligaments of our knees can only take so much out-of-balance compensation and certainly, our minds and bodies can only take so much Koyaanisqatsi (coy-on-is-kat-see; the Hopi word for life out of balance).

So what to do?  Well, I’m taking a cue from my mechanic:  Observe, diagnose and rotate!

Observe:  Develop a practice for stepping outside of yourself and really watching what is going on.  How do you do this?  Go back to that values list you developed earlier this year and compare what you want (value) to what you’ve got (how you are choosing to spend your time). 

Diagnose:  Are you finding some discrepancy in your lists?  What’s the cause?  Maybe you have lost your “no” (have decided to take any monkey).  Perhaps you lack clarity (in the absence of a clearly defined goal, you’re wandering).  Maybe you’ve even become a mind reader (“I have to do this because if I don’t it will upset my (spouse, boss, friend)”).

Rotate:  Now from what you observed (that shimmy or shake) and what you’ve diagnosed (this is causing that) – choose to change!  Find your “No.”  Restate your personal vision and focus on some clearly defined goals.  Stop telling yourself that you know what others really want/expect and ask – the only way to truly know.  Your personal observations and diagnosis will define your change.

Does this sound too simple?  Maybe.  But the truth of the matter is that many of us sink into Koyaanisqatsi and think it’s an inevitable state that we must accept.  Then, mired in a disharmonious, inefficient rut, we stay. 

In the words of American Express: tire rotation, $40; arthroscopic knee surgery, $3,650 dollars; a life in balance, priceless.

My Little Gray Ford

What do you know about shades of gray?   No, not the chic-lit erotica that has captured a place on the New York Times Best Seller list for 65 weeks (so far).  I’m talking about that place between black or white thinking that can enhance open-mindedness, create calm and (perhaps most significantly) quiet our inner critic (perfectionist) by moving us to balance (reality). 

What really got me thinking about this topic is a new series of advertisements for the Ford Focus automobile that has the tag line, “’and’ is better.”  The idea being that with this car it’s not an all or nothing proposition.  With this car you get options (read choices), leading to a better ride.   

In one ad, a couple considers a world where the menu item sweet and sour chicken becomes sweet or sour chicken -- the outcome being a completely unappealing, if not totally inedible, meal.  In another ad, attached below, two buddies consider the world of art if the only scenes available to a photographer are all- black or all- white.  The resulting pictures, sunrise over Cancun are completely uninspiring all-black or all-white shots. 

Why then if operating in a world of absolutes is so distasteful or uninspiring, do we sometimes choose to be black or white thinkers, and how can we change that thinking?  

One short answer to the why question is that we gravitate toward a language of extremes (absolutes) because our word choice is most simply and clearly understood when we choose adjectives that tend toward one end of the scale or the other.  Therefore, for simplicity’s sake we tend to identify things as clean or dirty, tall or short, new or old, calm or frenzied.  And while for each of those sets of adjectives there is a middle ground, it tends to be slightly less clear.  When we choose to describe things using less extreme terms, we often find ourselves needing more words, feeling a requirement for greater explanation and veering into a long and protracted conversation when a simple exchange of niceties is in order.  Hence: the spoken shorthand of extremes.

 It’s when we’re using that shorthand to capture our inner voice (self-critic) -- that we edge toward that unpalatable, uninspiring, depression-welcoming out-of-balance state of distorted thinking known as black or white (all or nothing).   You may recognize that dichotomous voice, which says: I am good or bad, I have succeeded or failed, I am best or worst.  

In our heads – that split language can seem completely reasonable.  What I have come to understand is that these black or white, all or nothing, thoughts tend to be vampires of sorts.  They seek the dark recesses of our minds where they can rest in peace, gain strength over time and rise empowered to drain the life from our plans, dreams and aspirations.  

The first step to taking on this Cognitive Count Dracula is recognizing it.   Notice your black or white, all or nothing language.  The next step is to get it out of your head and into the light of day by getting out a pen and paper and writing out the shades of gray.  For example, if you’re beating yourself up about your new running program, get real with it.  Somewhere between fastest and slowest is probably where you fall as a runner.  List the options on a scale using a sentence completion approach:  

I am as . . .

. . . fast as Usan Bolt
. . . fast as my neighbor Sam who runs a 4:30 mile
. . . fast as my five-year-old son
. . . fast as my twelve-year-old black lab
. . . fast as the winning crab at the Captiva Crab Race (yes, there is one!) 

No garlic or crosses required.   Just haul that bloodsucker out of that little corner of your psyche that it has claimed and expose it to the light of day.  Recognize it.  Challenge it.  Extinguish it.  (I don’t know about you, but I’m somewhere between Bolt and the crab.) 

It can get a little silly, yes, and it most certainly will move you into the middle ground of balance.  Try writing your range of options the next time you hear your inner critic whispering from somewhere deep in your head: best or worst, success or failure and anything that you’re prone to apply the “est” to (you know, fattest or skinniest, loudest or quietest, smartest or dumbest . . ..)  

Just like I won’t choose sour chicken, or an all-white picture -- I’m not going choose an inner voice without options.  

I’m going to hop a ride in that Ford Focus in a lovely shade of gray.  You know, the one that has the turbo-charge and the fuel saving eco-boost.  Are you coming?

The Stress - Rest Balance

Today, when considering balance, I’m ruminating on tool maintenance; and in particular, on the sharpening of saws.  My rumination derives from one of my favorite allegories from one of my favorite books: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and of how I recently let my own tool maintenance go.

So here’s the Covey allegory that has my attention:

            Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree.

            “What are you doing?” you ask.

            “Can’t you see?”  Comes the inpatient reply.  “I’m sawing down this tree.”

            “You look exhausted!” you exclaim.  “How long have you been at it?”

            “Over five hours,” he returns, “and I’m beat!  This is hard work.”

            “Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw?” you inquire.  “I’m sure it would go a lot faster.”

            “I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically.  “I’m too busy sawing!”

Recently, some traction-less peddling helped me to see that my saw had. in fact. lost its edge.  And instead of working to regain balance by taking a break and sharpening, I pressed toward yet another deadline without regard for my effectiveness.

So, here’s what I know about balance from the world of fitness conditioning.  For muscles to develop, we must stress them.  That stress results in micro tears that, through their healing, increase strength by adding new fiber.  While the stress is critical to the muscle development and strength, equally important is the rest phase.  And we come back stronger and more capable of executing certain tasks at a higher level after the break.  This is the balance of “sharpening the saw” physically.

Likewise, science has shown that brain neurons become more resistant to diseases like epilepsy, migraines, and even dementia when stressed and then allowed a period of rest.  

It’s truly stress/rest balance -- whether of the body or the mind.

So how sharp is your saw and what’s your plan for maintaining your edge?

Here are a few suggestions:

EXERCISE.  This one is my personal favorite.  I usually find if folks can push through that feeling of being too tired to exercise that they come back feeling refreshed and renewed.  And besides “research strongly supports the idea that cardiovascular exercise significantly improves cognitive health as well as learning and memory.” (APA)

MEDITATION.  Just the word meditation often scares people away because they think they can’t meditate.  Most people I find who have this perception have tried only one type of meditation – and found it too challenging (often transcendental).  Here are a few others to try:

• Guided meditation. Sometimes called guided imagery or visualization -- you form mental images of places or situations you find relaxing, often working with a teacher or coach.

• Mantra meditation. In this type of meditation, you silently repeat a calming word, thought or phrase to prevent distracting thoughts.  It can be as simple as, “Breathe, focus, smile.”

• Mindfulness meditation. You can do a mindful meditation any time and anywhere by simply taking a pause and becoming fully aware of what you are doing – eating, exercising, walking or playing with your kids.

• Yoga.  There’s hardly a strip mall in America that doesn’t include a yoga studio these days.  It’s accessible and in principle nonjudgmental (although I do notice a trend of what I call “Type A” yoga out there these day).  Yoga at its heart is about mindfulness and tranquility.

PLAY.  Yep, just what it sounds like.  Engage in what is play for you.  Something fun and distracting.  Consider this: Research conducted on rats found that following “bouts of rough-and-tumble play, rats show increased levels of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (Gordon et al 2003), which is essential for the growth and maintenance of brain cells.

All said and done, it’s a break for balance.  Plan for it.  Schedule it.  Do it on a regular basis.

If you call today and can’t find me, it may be because I’m out sharpening the saw.  I’ll be back – and better for it!

Breaks, they do a mind and body good.