My Little Gray Ford

What do you know about shades of gray?   No, not the chic-lit erotica that has captured a place on the New York Times Best Seller list for 65 weeks (so far).  I’m talking about that place between black or white thinking that can enhance open-mindedness, create calm and (perhaps most significantly) quiet our inner critic (perfectionist) by moving us to balance (reality). 

What really got me thinking about this topic is a new series of advertisements for the Ford Focus automobile that has the tag line, “’and’ is better.”  The idea being that with this car it’s not an all or nothing proposition.  With this car you get options (read choices), leading to a better ride.   

In one ad, a couple considers a world where the menu item sweet and sour chicken becomes sweet or sour chicken -- the outcome being a completely unappealing, if not totally inedible, meal.  In another ad, attached below, two buddies consider the world of art if the only scenes available to a photographer are all- black or all- white.  The resulting pictures, sunrise over Cancun are completely uninspiring all-black or all-white shots. 

Why then if operating in a world of absolutes is so distasteful or uninspiring, do we sometimes choose to be black or white thinkers, and how can we change that thinking?  

One short answer to the why question is that we gravitate toward a language of extremes (absolutes) because our word choice is most simply and clearly understood when we choose adjectives that tend toward one end of the scale or the other.  Therefore, for simplicity’s sake we tend to identify things as clean or dirty, tall or short, new or old, calm or frenzied.  And while for each of those sets of adjectives there is a middle ground, it tends to be slightly less clear.  When we choose to describe things using less extreme terms, we often find ourselves needing more words, feeling a requirement for greater explanation and veering into a long and protracted conversation when a simple exchange of niceties is in order.  Hence: the spoken shorthand of extremes.

 It’s when we’re using that shorthand to capture our inner voice (self-critic) -- that we edge toward that unpalatable, uninspiring, depression-welcoming out-of-balance state of distorted thinking known as black or white (all or nothing).   You may recognize that dichotomous voice, which says: I am good or bad, I have succeeded or failed, I am best or worst.  

In our heads – that split language can seem completely reasonable.  What I have come to understand is that these black or white, all or nothing, thoughts tend to be vampires of sorts.  They seek the dark recesses of our minds where they can rest in peace, gain strength over time and rise empowered to drain the life from our plans, dreams and aspirations.  

The first step to taking on this Cognitive Count Dracula is recognizing it.   Notice your black or white, all or nothing language.  The next step is to get it out of your head and into the light of day by getting out a pen and paper and writing out the shades of gray.  For example, if you’re beating yourself up about your new running program, get real with it.  Somewhere between fastest and slowest is probably where you fall as a runner.  List the options on a scale using a sentence completion approach:  

I am as . . .

. . . fast as Usan Bolt
. . . fast as my neighbor Sam who runs a 4:30 mile
. . . fast as my five-year-old son
. . . fast as my twelve-year-old black lab
. . . fast as the winning crab at the Captiva Crab Race (yes, there is one!) 

No garlic or crosses required.   Just haul that bloodsucker out of that little corner of your psyche that it has claimed and expose it to the light of day.  Recognize it.  Challenge it.  Extinguish it.  (I don’t know about you, but I’m somewhere between Bolt and the crab.) 

It can get a little silly, yes, and it most certainly will move you into the middle ground of balance.  Try writing your range of options the next time you hear your inner critic whispering from somewhere deep in your head: best or worst, success or failure and anything that you’re prone to apply the “est” to (you know, fattest or skinniest, loudest or quietest, smartest or dumbest . . ..)  

Just like I won’t choose sour chicken, or an all-white picture -- I’m not going choose an inner voice without options.  

I’m going to hop a ride in that Ford Focus in a lovely shade of gray.  You know, the one that has the turbo-charge and the fuel saving eco-boost.  Are you coming?

The Stress - Rest Balance

Today, when considering balance, I’m ruminating on tool maintenance; and in particular, on the sharpening of saws.  My rumination derives from one of my favorite allegories from one of my favorite books: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and of how I recently let my own tool maintenance go.

So here’s the Covey allegory that has my attention:

            Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree.

            “What are you doing?” you ask.

            “Can’t you see?”  Comes the inpatient reply.  “I’m sawing down this tree.”

            “You look exhausted!” you exclaim.  “How long have you been at it?”

            “Over five hours,” he returns, “and I’m beat!  This is hard work.”

            “Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw?” you inquire.  “I’m sure it would go a lot faster.”

            “I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically.  “I’m too busy sawing!”

Recently, some traction-less peddling helped me to see that my saw had. in fact. lost its edge.  And instead of working to regain balance by taking a break and sharpening, I pressed toward yet another deadline without regard for my effectiveness.

So, here’s what I know about balance from the world of fitness conditioning.  For muscles to develop, we must stress them.  That stress results in micro tears that, through their healing, increase strength by adding new fiber.  While the stress is critical to the muscle development and strength, equally important is the rest phase.  And we come back stronger and more capable of executing certain tasks at a higher level after the break.  This is the balance of “sharpening the saw” physically.

Likewise, science has shown that brain neurons become more resistant to diseases like epilepsy, migraines, and even dementia when stressed and then allowed a period of rest.  

It’s truly stress/rest balance -- whether of the body or the mind.

So how sharp is your saw and what’s your plan for maintaining your edge?

Here are a few suggestions:

EXERCISE.  This one is my personal favorite.  I usually find if folks can push through that feeling of being too tired to exercise that they come back feeling refreshed and renewed.  And besides “research strongly supports the idea that cardiovascular exercise significantly improves cognitive health as well as learning and memory.” (APA)

MEDITATION.  Just the word meditation often scares people away because they think they can’t meditate.  Most people I find who have this perception have tried only one type of meditation – and found it too challenging (often transcendental).  Here are a few others to try:

• Guided meditation. Sometimes called guided imagery or visualization -- you form mental images of places or situations you find relaxing, often working with a teacher or coach.

• Mantra meditation. In this type of meditation, you silently repeat a calming word, thought or phrase to prevent distracting thoughts.  It can be as simple as, “Breathe, focus, smile.”

• Mindfulness meditation. You can do a mindful meditation any time and anywhere by simply taking a pause and becoming fully aware of what you are doing – eating, exercising, walking or playing with your kids.

• Yoga.  There’s hardly a strip mall in America that doesn’t include a yoga studio these days.  It’s accessible and in principle nonjudgmental (although I do notice a trend of what I call “Type A” yoga out there these day).  Yoga at its heart is about mindfulness and tranquility.

PLAY.  Yep, just what it sounds like.  Engage in what is play for you.  Something fun and distracting.  Consider this: Research conducted on rats found that following “bouts of rough-and-tumble play, rats show increased levels of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (Gordon et al 2003), which is essential for the growth and maintenance of brain cells.

All said and done, it’s a break for balance.  Plan for it.  Schedule it.  Do it on a regular basis.

If you call today and can’t find me, it may be because I’m out sharpening the saw.  I’ll be back – and better for it!

Breaks, they do a mind and body good.

The Amazing Vitamin Z

Ever wonder what makes the difference between clock-watching and losing track of time?  Wish you could get more of the energizing boost that comes from the latter?  What if I could share with you some tips on how to do just that?  And what if I told that getting there would be, at least in part, a balancing act?

O.K., let’s try this on.  Call forth a memory of an activity or an engagement during which you lost track of time.  You know, one of those instances where, at the conclusion of which you may have looked at the clock and wondered, “Where on earth did the time go?” You may have thought of yourself as operating “in the zone.”  I’ll call it getting your Vitamin Z.

The activity really can be anything.  For me, my memories of timelessness are quite diverse, from time spent re-surfacing a wall to a dinner with my mentor and from a 2.5 mile swim to writing a well note (yep, these Wednesday columns really can mean timeless bliss for me). 

Now, got your Vitamin Z memory front and center for observation?   When you’re ready ask yourself:

•   Did I have a real passion for the activity?

•   Did I have a clearly defined goal for the activity?  A goal releases us from worry about “where is this taking me?” and liberates us to enjoy the present moment.

•   Was I getting immediate feedback?  In times of timelessness (I love that), it’s likely your internal critic was off and you were sensing your activity with unobstructed enthusiasm (something like, “I can do this!”).

If you’ve identified three conditions, it’s likely that you are on your way to the identifying a flow experience (when you were “in the zone”).  The architect of flow theory, psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (Me-hy Chick-sent-me-hy-ee), said he named this experience flow “because so many people used the flow analogy of being carried away by an outside force, of moving effortlessly with a current of energy.”

And at the heart of Csikszentmihalyi’s state of flow is the fourth condition: the balance between challenge and skills.  As with your awareness around the three previously listed conditions of passion, goal and feedback, you can set yourself up for a flow experience by being deliberate in establishing your challenge vs. skills balance.  Here’s the trick:

To intentionally achieve flow  – and you might do this for the psychological boost and improved productivity flow produces – schedule into your day an activity where your skills (abilities) are fully engaged in a challenge that is just manageable – neither too easy nor too hard.

If your chosen activity (challenge) is too easy given your skills, the result will be boredom.  If the challenge far exceeds your skills, the result will be anxiety and frustration.  Note: For leaders, this is a good framework in which to consider assigning and monitoring projects assigned to your team members.  Important because people generally will produce their best work – and be happier in their work environment -- when this balance is struck.   It’s the often reason people perform well “under pressure” and can be observed “rising to the occasion” with a certain joie de vivre.

Here’s a simple illustration of one way I can be assured of getting my Vitamin Z through a physical activity:

In the last couple of years, I have fallen head over heels for a piece of exercise equipment at my gym called the versa-climber.  It’s one of those fitness contraptions that looks like a torture device and is ALWAYS available – because most people find it too challenging for their fitness level (creating anxiety).  Here’s how the versa-climber contributes to my flow:  Exercise is a passion for me – made even more transcendent by the addition of a great play list on my iPod Touch.  I first set my versa-climber workout goal by establishing the number of feet I want to "climb" within a certain time period.  Next I set the machine’s resistance, pace and step height at levels that challenge my fitness ability and are still manageable (high challenge to high skill match up).   Finally, as I exercise, I get immediate feedback from progress monitors and my own feeling of increased strength and endurance.

Not terribly sophisticated, very do-able – an almost magical “balancing act.”  That’s my Vitamin Z – what’s yours?

Flow.  Zone.  Balance.  It does a mind and body good.

Are You a "RIghty" or a "Lefty"?

In a long-held overgeneralization of the split brain theory of psychophysiology, our “handedness” somewhat indicates our “brained-ness.”  That is, a right-handed person is left-brain dominant, with a proclivity toward spatial abilities, facial recognition, visual imagery and music; while a left-handed person would be right-brain dominant -- tapping more easily into the parts of the brain most responsible for language, math and logic.   

While over time that split-brain notion (first put forth in the late 1800s) has not been wholly supported, there is some evidence that handedness may in fact contribute to some lateral dominance in brain function (as do eye dominance, foot dominance and hearing dominance).  And what any dominance suggests is a movement away from center – and away from balance. 

Alice Flaherty, author of the Midnight Disease: The Drive to Write, Writer’s Block and the Creative Brain, argues that creativity is due to a balance of frontal and temporal lobe activity.  In other words the trick is not, in fact, to get out of your "left brain" and into your right, but to increase activity in the right hemisphere (or reduce activity in the left) so that it matches the activity on the other side – i.e., balance!

So, in a salute to the righties and lefties of the world (and in deep admiration of all of you ambidextrous souls) today’s well note offers two simple tips to help balance your beautiful, brilliant, bodacious brains!

• Since you’re already thinking about it, let’s start with handedness.  If you are right-handed – and an estimated 80% of humans are – change!  Yep, right now (don’t panic, it’s temporary).  For the next hour (and it will undoubtedly feel like longer) do with your left hand what you normally would do with your right (write, eat, brush your teeth, etc.).  And if you are left-handed, well, you’ll be letting that southpaw rest while you give the right hand a workout.  

By doing something as simple as switching hands, you may just feel your brain “light up” with neural activity that can fuel creative thought and the development of new ideas and novel solutions to challenging problems.  Now there’s a tool you can access next time you’re feeling “stuck”!

Want another easy practice you can try right now?  

• This next idea for balancing the brain is taken from the world of yoga: alternate nostril breathing.  I had the occasion to give this practice a try last week as part of a mind-body practice in a post-graduate program on positive psychology; and was struck by how it opened creativity, awareness and calm. 
• First, close the right nostril with your right thumb and inhale through the left nostril.  Do this to the count of four seconds.
• Then, close the left nostril with your right ring finger and little finger.  At the same time, remove your thumb from the right nostril, and exhale through this nostril.  Do this to the count of eight seconds.  This completes a half round.
• Now inhale through the right nostril to the count of four seconds.  Then close the right nostril with your right thumb and exhale through the left nostril to the count of eight seconds. This completes one full round.
• Continue for 8 more rounds.
• The idea behind the alternate nostril breathing practice is that your nose is directly linked to your brain and nervous system.  Breathing in through your left nostril will access the right “feeling” hemisphere of your brain, and breathing in through your right nostril, will access the left “thinking” hemisphere of your brain.  Consciously alternating your breath between either nostril will allow you to activate and access your whole brain.

Simply put, the balance of the brain, like the pleasing aesthetic of balanced design in architecture or the sweet harmony of a balanced tune, enhances the balance in our lives. 

Brain balance, it does a mind and body good.