Happiness and the Dentist

I know what you’re thinking, “'Happiness and the Dentist.' She’s absolutely lost it this time.” 

Bear with me on this one. Read the blog. View the attached TED talk. I promise it will make you happier. One, because the (TED talk) delivery is hilarious; and two, because it taps into the most powerful tool available in your change arsenal this moment (in every moment): choice! 

So, why happiness and the dentist? Because my dentist, who most people call, "Dr. Tim" (at his urging, sweetly using his first name with his title), is so darned happy. Dr. Tim has been my dentist for three years. My husband and I secretly call him “Kid Dentist” both because we’ve reached that age when many of our medical providers are younger than us and because he looks so well, kid-like. Dr. Tim’s staff loves him -- speaking highly of his professional expertise and intellect, and enjoying his happy presence. 

Because positive psychology is such an interest of mine, I’ve started to ask happy people, like Dr. Tim (not individuals celebrating a moment of happiness, rather those people who seem to possess a consistent attitude of happiness), to what they attribute their happiness. 

Here’s what Dr. Tim said: “I think for the most part I’ve always been happy. I can’t remember when or who, but somewhere along the way I heard that I could choose to be happy or not.” Looking around his office he observed, “Ten years ago I never would have dreamed all of this would happen. ” (He’s been chosen to succeed a very respected and successful dentist and to “inherit” the practice) “I think it’s at least in part due to my being positive. It’s wonderful,” he continued (with a smile, of course)

Research absolutely supports Dr. Tim’s experience. Happier people are more successful. Interestingly, the opposite is not always true. In fact, research has shown time and again that once people "succeed" to an aspired level that they believe will make them happy, it does -- for a very short time.  Then they are unhappily aspiring again.  Happy people succeed, are happy (as they were before) and continue to succeed (happily).

And you know, Dr. Tim has the same choice as each of us every single day: the choice to be happy. 

Finally, looking out the window of the exam room, Dr. Tim waved a hand dismissively toward the rain-streaked window revealing the gray morning beyond. “You know, sometimes I think it would be easier not to be happy. And I know that happiness is a choice worth making.” 

So take twelve minutes right now to watch Shawn Achor’s TED Talk.  Of course, it's your choice . . .

http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work 

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.

A Rim 2 Rim Success

On the last Tuesday in September, I (along with my husband and West Point roommate) hiked the Grand Canyon from Rim-to-Rim. Twenty-four miles, 6,000 feet down to the Colorado River, 4,500 feet back up between sunrise and sunset. My husband and I chose this hike when a busy work schedule caused us to postpone to next summer a planned three-week trek across England. Having adjusted our hiking goal for this year, we developed a training plan specific to the single-day event and “prepared to execute.”  My West Point roommate, a superb athlete -- but new to long distance hiking -- took this on as a new challenge.  Watching her prepare and complete the hike was inspirational.  

Are you in a rut? Have you become so comfortable with what you do that you’ve become uninspired or unwilling to risk something new?  Her story just may inspire you.

Ask yourself: When is the last time you did something for the first time? 
 
Fear of trying causes paralysis. Trying causes only trembling and sweating. 
~Matt Cooley.  

Former world champion gymnast, coach and college professor, Dan Millman, goes so far as to encourage athletes, students and client to dispose even of the concept of “trying.” He argues that trying sets one up for the concurrent anxiety of being unable “to do.” (Perhaps why trying causes “trembling and sweating.”)  

The notion of trying versus doing played out in the Grand Canyon stream crossings. The streams, cold (though never deep or threatening), always presented with paths of stones for crossing. Fear would have kept us on one side. Trembling and sweating could have resulted in a dunking. Years of hiking experience (and my own limited experience with gymnastics and the balance beam) taught me to dispense with thoughts of trying to cross the stream – rather to just walk (a la Nike “Just Do It!”). The surest way to cross a stream across the stepping-stones is to move forward with an unbroken stride and go (it’s what we’d do in the absence of water). No paralysis. No sweating and trembling. Just go.  

Learn to fail or fail to learn. ~Tal Ben-Shahar 

How do babies learn? They fail early and fail often. Sound crazy? Ever known of a baby who mastered walking with the first step? Think about it.  

She believed she could, so she did. ~Unknown  

This aphorism I spied on the forearm of a favorite waitress in Santa Fe. It screams: Step up! Believe in yourself! Succeed! 

It reminds me of the story of the Little Engine that Could.

“I think I can. I think I can.” The little engine puffed up the hill helping the larger, broken-down train of toys reach the children on the other side. Although larger and apparently stronger trains declined, the tiny engine believed, and so she did. 

At least once in the 4,500 foot ascent out of the canyon, I heard my roommate, (trained and ready) say quietly, “She believed she could, so she did.” 

No could, would or should here. Twenty weeks earlier, she “signed up” for the challenge. Unlike her hiking companions, she had no long-distance hiking or marathon experience from which to draw. How did she do it? She checked in on her desire and commitment, developed her training plan, created accountability by sharing her goal with friends and neighbors curious to see her walking long distances with a heavy pack, trained/practiced (religiously and strenuously) and set out to succeed – with a nod to the National Park Service sign in the Canyon (see attached), “Down is optional. Up is mandatory!”

So this weekend, I encourage you to try somehow new, release any fear (perhaps of failure), learn something about you, move confidently across the stepping-stones, make a plan and traverse your canyon from Rim-to-Rim. And finally, know that as you crest the rim, you'll be adding to your pack a healthy (and weightless) dose of self-efficacy - indispensable for the next challenge. 

I know you can.