Happiness and the Dentist

I know what you’re thinking, “'Happiness and the Dentist.' She’s absolutely lost it this time.” 

Bear with me on this one. Read the blog. View the attached TED talk. I promise it will make you happier. One, because the (TED talk) delivery is hilarious; and two, because it taps into the most powerful tool available in your change arsenal this moment (in every moment): choice! 

So, why happiness and the dentist? Because my dentist, who most people call, "Dr. Tim" (at his urging, sweetly using his first name with his title), is so darned happy. Dr. Tim has been my dentist for three years. My husband and I secretly call him “Kid Dentist” both because we’ve reached that age when many of our medical providers are younger than us and because he looks so well, kid-like. Dr. Tim’s staff loves him -- speaking highly of his professional expertise and intellect, and enjoying his happy presence. 

Because positive psychology is such an interest of mine, I’ve started to ask happy people, like Dr. Tim (not individuals celebrating a moment of happiness, rather those people who seem to possess a consistent attitude of happiness), to what they attribute their happiness. 

Here’s what Dr. Tim said: “I think for the most part I’ve always been happy. I can’t remember when or who, but somewhere along the way I heard that I could choose to be happy or not.” Looking around his office he observed, “Ten years ago I never would have dreamed all of this would happen. ” (He’s been chosen to succeed a very respected and successful dentist and to “inherit” the practice) “I think it’s at least in part due to my being positive. It’s wonderful,” he continued (with a smile, of course)

Research absolutely supports Dr. Tim’s experience. Happier people are more successful. Interestingly, the opposite is not always true. In fact, research has shown time and again that once people "succeed" to an aspired level that they believe will make them happy, it does -- for a very short time.  Then they are unhappily aspiring again.  Happy people succeed, are happy (as they were before) and continue to succeed (happily).

And you know, Dr. Tim has the same choice as each of us every single day: the choice to be happy. 

Finally, looking out the window of the exam room, Dr. Tim waved a hand dismissively toward the rain-streaked window revealing the gray morning beyond. “You know, sometimes I think it would be easier not to be happy. And I know that happiness is a choice worth making.” 

So take twelve minutes right now to watch Shawn Achor’s TED Talk.  Of course, it's your choice . . .

http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work 

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.

A Rim 2 Rim Success

On the last Tuesday in September, I (along with my husband and West Point roommate) hiked the Grand Canyon from Rim-to-Rim. Twenty-four miles, 6,000 feet down to the Colorado River, 4,500 feet back up between sunrise and sunset. My husband and I chose this hike when a busy work schedule caused us to postpone to next summer a planned three-week trek across England. Having adjusted our hiking goal for this year, we developed a training plan specific to the single-day event and “prepared to execute.”  My West Point roommate, a superb athlete -- but new to long distance hiking -- took this on as a new challenge.  Watching her prepare and complete the hike was inspirational.  

Are you in a rut? Have you become so comfortable with what you do that you’ve become uninspired or unwilling to risk something new?  Her story just may inspire you.

Ask yourself: When is the last time you did something for the first time? 
 
Fear of trying causes paralysis. Trying causes only trembling and sweating. 
~Matt Cooley.  

Former world champion gymnast, coach and college professor, Dan Millman, goes so far as to encourage athletes, students and client to dispose even of the concept of “trying.” He argues that trying sets one up for the concurrent anxiety of being unable “to do.” (Perhaps why trying causes “trembling and sweating.”)  

The notion of trying versus doing played out in the Grand Canyon stream crossings. The streams, cold (though never deep or threatening), always presented with paths of stones for crossing. Fear would have kept us on one side. Trembling and sweating could have resulted in a dunking. Years of hiking experience (and my own limited experience with gymnastics and the balance beam) taught me to dispense with thoughts of trying to cross the stream – rather to just walk (a la Nike “Just Do It!”). The surest way to cross a stream across the stepping-stones is to move forward with an unbroken stride and go (it’s what we’d do in the absence of water). No paralysis. No sweating and trembling. Just go.  

Learn to fail or fail to learn. ~Tal Ben-Shahar 

How do babies learn? They fail early and fail often. Sound crazy? Ever known of a baby who mastered walking with the first step? Think about it.  

She believed she could, so she did. ~Unknown  

This aphorism I spied on the forearm of a favorite waitress in Santa Fe. It screams: Step up! Believe in yourself! Succeed! 

It reminds me of the story of the Little Engine that Could.

“I think I can. I think I can.” The little engine puffed up the hill helping the larger, broken-down train of toys reach the children on the other side. Although larger and apparently stronger trains declined, the tiny engine believed, and so she did. 

At least once in the 4,500 foot ascent out of the canyon, I heard my roommate, (trained and ready) say quietly, “She believed she could, so she did.” 

No could, would or should here. Twenty weeks earlier, she “signed up” for the challenge. Unlike her hiking companions, she had no long-distance hiking or marathon experience from which to draw. How did she do it? She checked in on her desire and commitment, developed her training plan, created accountability by sharing her goal with friends and neighbors curious to see her walking long distances with a heavy pack, trained/practiced (religiously and strenuously) and set out to succeed – with a nod to the National Park Service sign in the Canyon (see attached), “Down is optional. Up is mandatory!”

So this weekend, I encourage you to try somehow new, release any fear (perhaps of failure), learn something about you, move confidently across the stepping-stones, make a plan and traverse your canyon from Rim-to-Rim. And finally, know that as you crest the rim, you'll be adding to your pack a healthy (and weightless) dose of self-efficacy - indispensable for the next challenge. 

I know you can.

Ode to a Snake

It’s a common experience: being unable to locate an item that is hiding in plain sight.  In fact, there’s an old adage that aptly characterizes the occurrence: “If it had been a snake it would have bit me.”

My legendarily forgetful Granny Garrett, who lived her whole life in South Georgia, often applied the old saw of the snake.  And it was her voice that brought the words flying back to me recently, as I contemplated mindfulness on a training walk – only to find that mindfulness itself was hiding in plain sight and I wasn’t seeing it at all.

**************

In preparing for a one-day rim-to-rim hike of the Grand Canyon this fall, I’ve taken to walking (multiple iterations, with a tad of running) the 650 feet up and down the path to The Cross of the Martyrs in Santa Fe.  Recently, I started this workout within an hour of reading a chapter from Sharon Salzberg’s book on meditation, Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation.  Having taken to reading Salzberg’s book as a way to reconnect with my own meditation practice, I was full of the notion of making my workout mindful by being fully present in the experience. 

Traipsing up and down my training route, I was (mindfully, I thought) noticing sensations: the comfort of my new trail shoes, the burn in my gluts, my increased respiratory rate.  I was (again, I thought) fully present to the sensations and scenery of the trail.  What a meditation maven I was!

And that’s when it happened.  A rattlesnake busy making its way down a stonewall bordering the path startled me from my thoughts and brought me to full presence.   Before I saw the snake, I heard the rattle.  Looking to my right (roughly at shoulder level), I was close enough to note the triangular head and elliptical pupil of my impromptu mindfulness instructor.

Said snake had done its job.  I was present -- fully, mindfully aware.  Nothing could have been more enlightening in the practice of mindfulness than this mindless encounter.  It was a snake.  It didn’t bite me.   You get the picture, I’m sure.

For those of you – like me – who at times struggle with meditation and the practice of mindfulness (and it is such a human experience – the struggle), the “If it were a snake . . . “ moment may be quite familiar.  It’s less what we don’t see, than what simply doesn’t register.  The present experience is unable to get a figurative word in edgewise through the busy chatter in our minds.

What mindfulness really does for us is allow us to experience our thoughts without succumbing to the chatter.  Whether we’re sitting crossed legged in a meditation room, training our physical bodies with the intent of moving meditation or trying to remember the name of the guy at the grocery store, distracting (obscuring) thoughts come up for all of us. 

Salzberg says that what we hope to learn from meditation is, “the difference between thinking and being lost in our thoughts.”  That is, the difference of being present on the path and surrendering to all the distracting thoughts along the way. 

Occasionally I get a coaching client who thinks meditation is about suspending one’s thoughts (as if one could).  The trick is not to cease thoughts – rather to acknowledge one’s distracting thoughts, and then let them go.  In this way, mindfulness trains our attention.  It’s a reason meditation is being used more and more as a tool of performance enhancement for athletes.  One of basketball’s greatest coaches, Phil Jackson, is known for using meditation training with his players with the result of improving focus and teamwork (11 NBA titles can’t be wrong).

So when along my path, the snake was there, suddenly within striking distance and politely warning me of my impending trespass, I did not stop thinking – rather I let go of all thoughts not of the snake.  That focused thinking (snakes have a way of creating focus) allowed me quickly, though surprisingly calmly, to move away from the wall.  For the rest of the walk, when there arose distracting thoughts that threatened to blind me to my surroundings, the venerable snake reminded me to acknowledge them, and let them go.

There’s a lot one can learn from a snake . . . no bite required.

The Down and Up of It

They say hiking the Grand Canyon Rim to Rim is an inversion of the normal path of hikers -- going first down then up.  For me this upended idea brims with the notion of building resilience.  It is recognizing the challenge, meeting the struggle head on, and slogging one's way to the other side that opens the gift of self-efficacy.  I did this!  Indeed, if I don't explore the depths of the canyon floor, I will be deprived of the buoyant heights of realizing the Southern Rim (my goal).  The down and up fortify my body and my spirit -- for the next challenge and the one after that.  Those challenges, for me, make up a life well lived and well loved.  It is with this self awareness that I meditate on the coming long day in September.  

Update: Training week eight: started the week on the versa climber at 4,000 vertical feet (yesterday).  This backs up to some amazing hikes in the last several weeks -- the best of which were experienced on the trails just outside of Santa Fe, New Mexico.  The week's training calendar calls for about four hours of cross training and 80+ minutes of running (add to that two days of Bikram . . .) all with intervals (except the yoga, of course).

Motivation: 

• The training: the more I train, the more I want to train.  
• New shoes: switching to La Sportiva Busheidos after the Salomon Speedcross tongue kept drifting and irritating my foot.  
• The team: best pal Chip (Deb) is joining us for the hike!!

In order to succeed, people need a sense of self-efficacy, to struggle together with resilience to meet the inevitable obstacles and inequities of life. ~Albert Bandura

The Next Endurance Challenge -- Setting Accountability

For the next 15 weeks, this blog will follow my training and preparation to traverse the Grand Canyon from Rim to Rim (R2R) in one day.  This is not a venture to be taken lightly, or to be undertaken without training and experience in both outdoor adventure and endurance sports.  As a veteran of both -- and a happy slave to a training plan -- I'll chronicle my mental and physical preparation in hopes of exciting, inspiring and informing this community of people dedicated to "doing stuff."

So, why this first post?  Why to create accountability, of course.  In my years of expanding my self awareness, I've come to understand that "putting it out there" is, for me, an important start point to realizing a goal.

The plan I've adopted to train physically for the R2R is a sixteen-week marathon training plan that incorporates a strong cross-training component to help avoid injury and to allow me to concentrate on developing the downhill ruggedness and uphill strength I'll need.

I plan to continue my Bikram yoga practice, at a rate of two times a week as well (at least in part because I think the heat conditioning may be of value).

Today's R2R training is 45 minutes on my favorite cardio machine, the versa-climber.  I'll be aiming for a 4,000 vertical foot workout today (zone 3).

Already I look forward to the soothing ointment of a stretch goal and the harmonizing rhythm of the body in motion:

Life has no smooth road for any of us; and in the bracing atmosphere of a high aim the very roughness stimulates the climber to steadier steps, till the legend, over steep ways to the stars, fulfills itself. – W. C. Doane