My Little Gray Ford

What do you know about shades of gray?   No, not the chic-lit erotica that has captured a place on the New York Times Best Seller list for 65 weeks (so far).  I’m talking about that place between black or white thinking that can enhance open-mindedness, create calm and (perhaps most significantly) quiet our inner critic (perfectionist) by moving us to balance (reality). 

What really got me thinking about this topic is a new series of advertisements for the Ford Focus automobile that has the tag line, “’and’ is better.”  The idea being that with this car it’s not an all or nothing proposition.  With this car you get options (read choices), leading to a better ride.   

In one ad, a couple considers a world where the menu item sweet and sour chicken becomes sweet or sour chicken -- the outcome being a completely unappealing, if not totally inedible, meal.  In another ad, attached below, two buddies consider the world of art if the only scenes available to a photographer are all- black or all- white.  The resulting pictures, sunrise over Cancun are completely uninspiring all-black or all-white shots. 

Why then if operating in a world of absolutes is so distasteful or uninspiring, do we sometimes choose to be black or white thinkers, and how can we change that thinking?  

One short answer to the why question is that we gravitate toward a language of extremes (absolutes) because our word choice is most simply and clearly understood when we choose adjectives that tend toward one end of the scale or the other.  Therefore, for simplicity’s sake we tend to identify things as clean or dirty, tall or short, new or old, calm or frenzied.  And while for each of those sets of adjectives there is a middle ground, it tends to be slightly less clear.  When we choose to describe things using less extreme terms, we often find ourselves needing more words, feeling a requirement for greater explanation and veering into a long and protracted conversation when a simple exchange of niceties is in order.  Hence: the spoken shorthand of extremes.

 It’s when we’re using that shorthand to capture our inner voice (self-critic) -- that we edge toward that unpalatable, uninspiring, depression-welcoming out-of-balance state of distorted thinking known as black or white (all or nothing).   You may recognize that dichotomous voice, which says: I am good or bad, I have succeeded or failed, I am best or worst.  

In our heads – that split language can seem completely reasonable.  What I have come to understand is that these black or white, all or nothing, thoughts tend to be vampires of sorts.  They seek the dark recesses of our minds where they can rest in peace, gain strength over time and rise empowered to drain the life from our plans, dreams and aspirations.  

The first step to taking on this Cognitive Count Dracula is recognizing it.   Notice your black or white, all or nothing language.  The next step is to get it out of your head and into the light of day by getting out a pen and paper and writing out the shades of gray.  For example, if you’re beating yourself up about your new running program, get real with it.  Somewhere between fastest and slowest is probably where you fall as a runner.  List the options on a scale using a sentence completion approach:  

I am as . . .

. . . fast as Usan Bolt
. . . fast as my neighbor Sam who runs a 4:30 mile
. . . fast as my five-year-old son
. . . fast as my twelve-year-old black lab
. . . fast as the winning crab at the Captiva Crab Race (yes, there is one!) 

No garlic or crosses required.   Just haul that bloodsucker out of that little corner of your psyche that it has claimed and expose it to the light of day.  Recognize it.  Challenge it.  Extinguish it.  (I don’t know about you, but I’m somewhere between Bolt and the crab.) 

It can get a little silly, yes, and it most certainly will move you into the middle ground of balance.  Try writing your range of options the next time you hear your inner critic whispering from somewhere deep in your head: best or worst, success or failure and anything that you’re prone to apply the “est” to (you know, fattest or skinniest, loudest or quietest, smartest or dumbest . . ..)  

Just like I won’t choose sour chicken, or an all-white picture -- I’m not going choose an inner voice without options.  

I’m going to hop a ride in that Ford Focus in a lovely shade of gray.  You know, the one that has the turbo-charge and the fuel saving eco-boost.  Are you coming?

The Stress - Rest Balance

Today, when considering balance, I’m ruminating on tool maintenance; and in particular, on the sharpening of saws.  My rumination derives from one of my favorite allegories from one of my favorite books: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and of how I recently let my own tool maintenance go.

So here’s the Covey allegory that has my attention:

            Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree.

            “What are you doing?” you ask.

            “Can’t you see?”  Comes the inpatient reply.  “I’m sawing down this tree.”

            “You look exhausted!” you exclaim.  “How long have you been at it?”

            “Over five hours,” he returns, “and I’m beat!  This is hard work.”

            “Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw?” you inquire.  “I’m sure it would go a lot faster.”

            “I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically.  “I’m too busy sawing!”

Recently, some traction-less peddling helped me to see that my saw had. in fact. lost its edge.  And instead of working to regain balance by taking a break and sharpening, I pressed toward yet another deadline without regard for my effectiveness.

So, here’s what I know about balance from the world of fitness conditioning.  For muscles to develop, we must stress them.  That stress results in micro tears that, through their healing, increase strength by adding new fiber.  While the stress is critical to the muscle development and strength, equally important is the rest phase.  And we come back stronger and more capable of executing certain tasks at a higher level after the break.  This is the balance of “sharpening the saw” physically.

Likewise, science has shown that brain neurons become more resistant to diseases like epilepsy, migraines, and even dementia when stressed and then allowed a period of rest.  

It’s truly stress/rest balance -- whether of the body or the mind.

So how sharp is your saw and what’s your plan for maintaining your edge?

Here are a few suggestions:

EXERCISE.  This one is my personal favorite.  I usually find if folks can push through that feeling of being too tired to exercise that they come back feeling refreshed and renewed.  And besides “research strongly supports the idea that cardiovascular exercise significantly improves cognitive health as well as learning and memory.” (APA)

MEDITATION.  Just the word meditation often scares people away because they think they can’t meditate.  Most people I find who have this perception have tried only one type of meditation – and found it too challenging (often transcendental).  Here are a few others to try:

• Guided meditation. Sometimes called guided imagery or visualization -- you form mental images of places or situations you find relaxing, often working with a teacher or coach.

• Mantra meditation. In this type of meditation, you silently repeat a calming word, thought or phrase to prevent distracting thoughts.  It can be as simple as, “Breathe, focus, smile.”

• Mindfulness meditation. You can do a mindful meditation any time and anywhere by simply taking a pause and becoming fully aware of what you are doing – eating, exercising, walking or playing with your kids.

• Yoga.  There’s hardly a strip mall in America that doesn’t include a yoga studio these days.  It’s accessible and in principle nonjudgmental (although I do notice a trend of what I call “Type A” yoga out there these day).  Yoga at its heart is about mindfulness and tranquility.

PLAY.  Yep, just what it sounds like.  Engage in what is play for you.  Something fun and distracting.  Consider this: Research conducted on rats found that following “bouts of rough-and-tumble play, rats show increased levels of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (Gordon et al 2003), which is essential for the growth and maintenance of brain cells.

All said and done, it’s a break for balance.  Plan for it.  Schedule it.  Do it on a regular basis.

If you call today and can’t find me, it may be because I’m out sharpening the saw.  I’ll be back – and better for it!

Breaks, they do a mind and body good.